Hive On Tour: Il Y a Problem Con Yogur?

Right - I am aware that I am almost 4 weeks behind (or actually 4 weeks) with my blog. I am sorry. However, I if I don´t blog about this now, then I probably won´t remember.

I´m touring Spain for the next two weeks, and so I have decided to try and make daily updates (Did not work! I am back in Edinburgh!! But nonetheless I am determined to finish it soon) to try and capture all the mayhem. Hive boys on tour(Sung to the tune of girls on film) - I will try and catch up with the rest once I get back, cos there is some good shit that happened!


Day 1 - Friday - Woke up absolutely smashed, my phone was out of battery and my buzzer was ringing. The night before was my birthday, and the night before was the flat party. I was fucked. After a few minutes of the bell ringing, I immediately thought ´oh fuck, I´ve slept in and missed my flight!´It was just lucy ringing to give me my birthday present. A pair of flip flops and a Super Turbo Ring. Pretty cool. Except the flip flops dont fit... It was like 1030, I had no idea what was going on. I still had to do loads of shit for Spain but I couldnt think what. It was quite funny. Spoke to dad and he said he was coming at 1230. By the time I got in the shower it was already 1130. I decided to shower with the door open, because I really wanted to listen to linkin park. I spent ages on the phone trying to top up my travel card, but it didnt work. Dad picked me up then. I just picked up loadsof shit and took it downstairs. Drove to Craigs and picked him up. All good. The tom tom was giving directions my dad didnt want to follow... We made it to aidans and picked up him and dom. Aidan had the flight details, so I confirmed with him ´Glasgow Airport yeah?´He replied ´Yeah´- Nothing comical about it... Drive through to the Airport was sound, talking about the night before etc. Just as were pulling up at Glasgow Airport i said ´We were at Prestwick last year werent we? I dont think I´ve been here before´. Aidan goes ´No, We were at Glasgow last year...But Prestwick this year.´Umm no..Were at glasgow this year and were at prestwick last year. Aidan says ´we are at prestwick this year, Im not joking..´What the fuck.. You said glasgow. ´I thought you were joking when you asked...´Why the fuck would I joke about that, it was a serious question! Fuck, are you kidding. So we then had to drive to Prestwick airport which was 30 miles away, literally as we pulled up at Glasgow airport. Aidan probably performs surgery on 3 people a week, yet he doesent notice that we are driving to the wrong airport. Doctors. Well the car was pretty quiet for the next wee while. I changed the tom tom to spanish which annoyed my dad a bit, but on the whole he took it pretty well. That was our all day breakfast out the window.....


Made it to the airport and theres A policeman with a fucking machine gun is standing there...Dont shoot! Went in and got in the queue. I went for the toilet and almost bought a really cool Lisbon lions T shirt. We started singing ´Take it easy´ For some reason. We realised that not everyone’s bags were within the limit. Namely Dom´s who had packed 6 kilos of underwear. we distributed it evenly between us and went on through.Got through customs and The man gave me the No feeling. He gave Aidan the Yes feeling so it was alright. He also seemed slightly confused as to why we each had 4 pairs of boxers in our carry on luggage. I felt fairly hungover at this stage. We got some food - A shite toastie, a bottle of coke and a yoghurt. We got called to the plane before it finished. I didnt have time to eat all my food. So i decided to take it on board and eat it on the plane. I asked the woman if it was OK for me to take it on the plane. We then decided it would be funny if I carried this yoghurt all the time on our holiday. In all our photos there would be just pictures of me with a yoghurt. Also, I was to ask anyone I could if it was ok for me to take the yoghurt with me - Taxi drivers, bar staff, hostel keeps, anyone. The woman just before we got on the plane wasnt sure I should take it on. I persuaded her with a convincing ´Go on!´. Got settled on the plane, the pilot was pished. There was some fat bitch next to me who ended up being sick the whole time. Still had my yoghurt. The plane took off to a resounding cheer. My throat was so dry for the whole flight, I was gasping on a drink the whole time. The trolley woman started at the front of the plane and worked her way down to the back(where we were). This took 2 hours because some fucking stag cunts kept stopping her to get vodka. I was raging, and in dire need of a drink. I finally got it, and it was something ridiculous like £3 for a miniature can of coke(like the ones you used to get in Woolworths). Downed it in 1 and continued being thirsty. Aidan taught me the phrase 'Il Y a problem con yogur?' 'is there a problem with the yoghurt?' Awesome. Pretty smooth flight overall, but the co-pilot pushed the pilot just as he was touching down, nose dive straight into the ground. It's all good, we shook it off. Got off the plane. I considered asking the customs officer about my yoghurt, but i thought he might shoot me. I asked the taxi driver and he gave me a look that said 'fuck off you dick'. Got to our hostel, Maximo Park showed us our room and told us what there was to do. Not a bad place. Got settled in and showered. My aftersun bottle had exploded over my bag. Gay. I decided I couldnt be arsed with this yoghurt business anymore so i binned it.

So we were all starving to get some food and a few drinks, We headed out and about in malaga in search. Found a wee place where we sat down in the square and ordered quatro cervesa and quatro hamburguesas. We were pretty hungry, so the guys got hot dogs and I got a spanish omelette(potato, served in toasted bread..pretty cool) We discovered a slightly strange spanish custom(I am going to say this now, and i mean no offense to anyone, but its true - The spanish are weird, and as time went on, they kept getting weirder), If 4 people order, they will typically serve 3 meals, then the 4th one 5 minutes later...we just couldnt figure it out. It always seemed to be dom that got the short straw aswell. Having been my birthday the night before, I was struggling to drink and eat. The beer was alright like. After waiting for ages, we asked for la quenta. The bill. It is nearly impossible in spain to take away food. If you want a coke or a sandwich you have to sit in and ask for la quenta. Becomes a pain in the ass. We met this seemingly spanish guy, who asked if we were english.. we replied 'no scottish!'(dunno, we decided to big up the patriotic thing!) He then shouted in an english accent ' Ah Scottish'. Strange. We went into his bar and got 4 litres of Mojito. For some reason. They were fucking massive. Our man invited us for a shot, saying 'welcome to malaga'. Awesome. I like this place already. The women were fucking unbelievable. In scotland(no offense to scottish girls btw) we rate girls 1-10, 10 being the highest. In spain, they are rated 9.1-10. With an average spanish girl being a 9.5 or 9.6. Honestly, it’s amazing. I decided there were 2 spanish phrases I needed to learn(neither of which I have learnt) - Number 1 - I got bitten by a shark but I survived with only a light graze because I'm so awesome. Number 2 - You are gorgeous, will you marry me?. Another strange thing about the Spaniards.. they all go fucking insane to 'I will survive'(i.e. as long as i have weetabix), in a manner similar to 500 miles for us scots. It was bloody insane, we were just standing there being like what the fuck is going on?

We went for a walk to find some cool club to find some hot bitches, we struggled...but we did come across a few people walking about with plastic cups. eventually we found the epicentre. A big street had been closed off by the gay police and hundreds of people were drinking on it. Awesome...but its 2am and we have no vodka(another thing, time goes crazily fast). We wandered about aimlessly for a while until we found a chinese run newsagent who gave us vodka. Good effort. Street we! Drank on this party for a while... but we had noone to talk to, and we couldnt speak to the hot spanish because we didnt speak spanish...except aidan, but he was too shy(really?) We also realised that a lot of the people here couldnt be much older than 16, and there was definately some who were a lot younger. Different cultures I guess... A jailbait culture. good effort. We drank some vodka...mine was ridiculously strong.. Eventually decided to call it a night and head back.

A successful night, however slightly disappointing that we didnt speak to anyone other than Maximo park and the waiter, and that cool guy from the bar. I love college.