Bit of a hectic week – probably the most I’ve worked this year! Didn’t really do much other than work! Managed to get sufficiently drunk on Saturday night too.
Monday – Took a nice walk up from my parents to the flat. I can’t remember what I did during the day.. nothing too exciting I don’t think. John came up to get himself changed, and gave me a lift down to Biddys. For my first shift, i was meant to get a 2 hour tour/induction with one of the managers, plus 2 hours shadowing one of the supervisors. Basically got a 15minute show round with one of the supervisors and then put behind the bar. Haha. Took me most of the night to get used to everything, but i was getting there by the end of it! The night before St Paddy’s day in an Irish Pub.. Fucking rammed! It’s a really cool pub actually. Loads of Irish folk. When I was told i would be working till close, i kindof assumed that I would get away about 130 or so. It was half past 3 before we got away. Fucking mental.
Tuesday – Spent basically the whole day sleeping. Didn’t do anything. Had the day off work which was probably a good thing.
Wednesday – Did an 11 hour shift at Biddys. 9am-8pm. Loong. My first day of working with food, which was a whole other ball game(kindof..not really). Nine times out of ten that day i forgot to put a table number with the order, so i was the bane of all the other barstaff’s life haha. I managed to get one order so wrong that it produced 3 spare All day breakfasts.. so i had one for my lunch. Spent an hour or so in the keg room hurling kegs around, putting them in some kind of order. Got my trousers absolutely filthy. Quite a long day, and i was knackered by the end of it. Got home, put my trousers in the wash, had some tea, scanned and emailed a contract for a new job i’m starting soon.. Put my trousers in the dryer, went to bed.
Thursday – EICC from 8-1. Got up, had some breakfast, ironed my trousers and went to work. Some boring council thing was in.. cant really remember... bit of a sausage fest. Everyone i seen was like ‘oh my god your hair’ ‘oh your so handsome’(it was a man who said i looked handsome haha..) Maria said I looked sensible.. look being the key word. I’m gonna try and keep working their on Thursday mornings, just cos while its shit doing that job 40 hours a week or whatever, there can be great banter. Caught up with Rory and Ross, had some lunch – some Ben and Jerrys ice cream. First time I’ve ever had it actually. It’s basically Ice Cream..but good Ice Cream! Chocolate Brownie flavour..basically like eating a really cold chocolate brownie.
Got home and had a shower. Sent a couple emails, made a couple of phone calls. Grabbed my teaching equipment and jumped on a bus. Why do people speak to me on buses?? I’d left my ipod at home, some old woman sat next to me and was like ‘would you like a toffee’. I would have actually quite liked one, but i’ve been told never to take sweeties from strangers, also she was talking utter shite to me and i just wanted her to go away. Lesson was cool, jumped on a bus back. Got back about 530, went to bed for a power nap. (actually..something happened inbetween here..cant remember what exactly) quick power nap, listened to some biffy clyro... on an aside from this whole thing.. I would like to express my frustration at bands putting samples of tracks on their myspace, I want to hear the whole fucking song! I’m typically not gonna buy something if I’ve only heard 30 seconds of it. It’s not good marketing you twats. You know who you are you stupid GAGA and CYRUS! Also.. Youtube taking down all its fucking commercial music videos! Jesus.
However.. i discovered a solution.. which I’m sure many of you are aware of... SPOTIFY. You can basically stream almost any song that has had a commercial release(metallica not included, although any self respecting music fan will have their entire back catalogue on CD anyway, so thats not a big deal) and its fucking great!
Anyway... Listened to some biffy clyro, Set my alarm for 630. Woke up, had a jammy dodger and brushed my teeth. Aidan picked me up at 645 and we went to see ESRE at the Picture House. Free tickets on the door for us, score. The picture house is pretty impressive, and had a great sound. I managed to stick the wristband onto my arm hair, and it was a fucking pain to get off. Met Sam and Stalker. There was some crappy school bands, some of whom were not too bad. Some of whom were bad. A highlight(kindof) was a band all dressed in white doing some kindof crazy dance with their feet.
ESRE came on last, and played a pretty cool gig. Personally wasn’t too impressed by the setlist.. too much lo fi pop music and not enough Rock/funk. All the same, its a great thing they’ve got going on and it was pretty rocking. Andy Taylor(daves bro) was doing a good job of working the crowd. We were gonna go to the pub for 1. But in the end all just headed home. I got a nice kebab, and made friends with the kebab man in pizza corner. He said he liked my hair cut. Had 1(!!!!!!) game of Fifa against craig, which turned into about 5. Had an absolutely intense game, involving 2 sendings off, 2 injurys, 4 goals, and 2 goals in extra time and penaltys!! Eventually got to bed.
Friday – Got up, and i planned to stay in bed until work that night. Nick had finished his dissertation the day before, and thus got fucked, and thus was still drunk on Friday morning making noise and stuff.. i was just like fuck off mate! But in the end i got up, and we went to Teviot for some food. Before leaving the flat at midday, nick had a shot of tequila then ran across the road and bought a bottle of magners! He was so fucked, it was absolutely hilarious watching him walk along the road. He tried to buy some guys dog off him, and he couldn’t stay on the pavement without falling off! Great. I got a Mexican burger at Teviot, it was epic. Nick phoned up some collection agency who is threatening him with court action and gave them some pretty funny chat. Nick just started shouting at them “you owe me £10”. Haha. Nick was playing football in some newspaper football game or something, so we went down to the meadows to watch. I knew he would do something funny. His first kick of the ball, he tripped over it and his forehead thudded off the ground. Absolutely brilliant. He had to go and sit off for 15 mins. After the game they went straight to the pub. I went home, had some tea and went for my first run in over 2 weeks. Totally went a lot faster than i should have, and ended up totally fucked. But that was the first time this year that i’ve worn shorts. I cannot wait for summer!
Headed into Biddy Mulligan’s for 8. I swear to god, that place is always full. Some guy walked away without paying, so i went after him and he was like ‘oh sorry mate, i totally forgot!’ to say sorry, he gave me £5 tip. Crackin. Good night, i felt in control and knew what i was doing! Got away about 130 aswell which was cool! It was Laura leaving drinks before she goes to Australia. I got a phonecall from them just as i was leaving, and i went up and met them in cappadoccia for the walk home. Lauras presence stopped me from getting a kebab. For the first time ever, i just got chips. Laura was absolutely smashed, so funny haha. Maisie was pretty far gone too. Martin seemed alright, he used his height to open a bottle of beer off a road sign for me. We went to the swing park and played on the swings for ages(i don’t know why, since i was up very early the next morning!) Pretty good fun. Got stuck on the see saw type thing because I weigh more than laura haha. Just about fell off the round about. That swing park is amazing. To think I’ve been drinking there for 5 years. Love it. Love summer. Laura and Maisies departure was filled with tears..me and martin just stood there. Mine and lauras departure was less emotional, but still sad! I shall miss her craziness! Got home about 3am, went to bed.
Saturday – Up at 8 for work. Fucking tough. Made it into work though, and soon felt good as new, even though i hadn’t had much sleep. I did a good job again, i seem to be settling in pretty good. Always remembered to put table numbers in when doing food, and i even changed a keg. I did cut my hand on some glass though, which was a pain. Super Saturday, 3 games of rugby. There was a que outside from about 4 oclock. Could barely move in the place. Absolutely crazy. I finished at 7 and promptly left. Went up to the tron and got a pint and a half in with Ahmed. We each took our turn in the disabled toilet to let off a good shit. He took about 10 minutes! Went down to cab vol for DMH’s gig. The troops were out in force! James and Andy, Tam, Dom, Barrie, Smith and Hashy, Kara and her parents, Fay and Jaqueline, Leah... absolutely loads of cunts. It was barries birthday too. I love that guy. After a tough day at work, i was quite up for getting smashed. I asked the girl on the bar what was cheapest, she was like ‘most things are £3.50.. but this is £3.80.’ So i started drinking Tyskie at £3.80 a can.. which is a great beer. Infact i think i promised the bar girl i would buy a crate for my flat haha. Started to get drunk pretty quick. I made Jaqueline swear to put a photo of me with her glasses on facebook. I asked how she knew Fay, and they said they were lesbian together.. and then they had a lesbian moment which was pretty cool. DMH’s set was good! Goodbye is a tune. Bye bye. Btw.. did steel come out to the hive? I cant remember. We went up to the tron. I assumed that my cut would have scabbed over from the morning so i took my plaster off. Apparently not.. It started bleeding everywhere. The barman in the tron wouldn’t give me a plaster for ‘health and safety reasons’. How does that make any sense?? Surely covering up a wound which could drip blood into people drink’s is a good thing for health and safety?? Strange. I got fucked really quickly since i hadn’t eaten much all day. Went up to the hive with Dom, Tom and his mate. Tom wasn’t really up for it, so they went to Why Not. My hand was still bleeding at this point, Junior was an absolute legend and patched me up nice and good!. Me and dom just hammered the drinks. We ordered 2 double vodkas and lemonade, and dom wanted some red bull, so we got him a double vodka red bull.. i remembered i had my 2 for 1 card so i was like ‘and double it!’.This is really bad..i can never remember stuff that happens in the hive haha! Serious its bad. I’m not really sure what happened afterwards, but ended up standing at the top of middle meadow walk for ages with Fay, Aij, Dom, Tom and his mate. We were all going separate ways so we just stood there for ages. Eventually walked home.
Sunday – Woke up feeling a bit rough. Got a phone call about 930 from andy at biddys, asking where i was cos i was supposed to be there at 9. I was like oh right i didn’t know.. should i still come in? So i went in. Struggled on through the day, it was busy, but not that busy. There was a group of guys in from about 3 doing alphabet drinks, i thought that was a pretty good effort! A good thing about working at a pub is that i get to watch some football while serving people. Lunch was tough. My head started spinning. On the whole it was an ok day, but by the end of it I was totally ready for bed. Finished at 6 and walked up to my folks. Food, Bath, Bed. Bliss.
Next week – I’ve got Monday off thankgod! Working Tuesday, and the weekend at biddys. I should be starting another job at some point soon aswell! I don’t plan to spend much money, I might go to see the Dykeenies on Friday if I’m able to get a ticket. Got a practise with Ben for some bagpipes gig I’m doing in a couple of weeks! Maybe a movie night at some stage.. Infact i think theres a lot of nights out planned.. but i really cant afford to go to them! I shall see. Cheers, bye bye
Tuesday 24 March 2009
Monday 16 March 2009
Your Braindead, You've Got A Motherfucking Bullet In Your Fucking Forehead
This week has been a real throwback to those crazy times a couple years ago, when I was literally living off 2 hours sleep a night. Working all day and partying all night. Great fun, loads of absolutely brilliant banter. Hahaha. Love it.
Monday – kindof an unimportant day! Didnt really do much.. went into the phone shop to be told that they couldn’t find a problem with my phone..which is why they sent me an email telling me it was fixed.. I switched it on and lo and behold, the screen was fucked. Duuh. The guy then said they could send it away, but it wouldn’t be fixed..... So they are now putting me on a scheme which sounds like i’m going to get a shoddy second hand phone. Great.
Tuesday – I went into Gamestation with our guitar hero drums, spent literally an hour in there and came out with a different preowned version of it(which works a little better, but not much better!) bit gutted. I never told craig, and i put the box where the old one had been. He never noticed till i told him on Friday haha. Arcane Corps practise, i had gotten dressed up as 118 to go to the Marchmont party. Got back from practise and fell asleep.. oh well.
Wednesday – It’s NAPF again! This is like the 3rd year I’ve done it in a row. It’s so bloody boring!! I was lying in bed, wondering when my alarm was gonna go off, then I kindof opened my eyes a little and thought ‘oh fuck! It shouldn’t be this light already!’ checked my clock, and it was 730. damn phone alarm I hate you! – it was just aswell I didn’t go out the night before then. Got dressed and ran to work. I was in charge of the business centre, blabla I did it last year. I literally spent most of my time on facebook(which I don’t even like that much) Nobody spoke to me all day. I had to answer the phone twice and send a fax. Actually so dull. On the plus side, I had a crème egg. Working this conference is basically like de ja vu. Like the faxes I printed, the phone calls I received, im sure it was exactly the same people and documents as last year. At lunch time the idea of going to the pub for football was planted in my head.. Finished about 545, ran home, had the quickest shower of all time(34 seconds) got changed and headed to the pub. Met rory en route and we headed up. 99p a pint of Deuchars. Cant be beaten. Watched some football drank some beer. By 11 o clock we were all pished haha. Andy phoned me up and reminded me I still had micks keyboard stands, and mick was in no position to pick them up. Mikey and Rory went for some chips. I was like, na fuck it im getting a kebab. I’m such a fiend. Got back and hit the hay. Because my alarm hadn’t gone off this morning, I decided to be extra careful and set loads of alarms.
Thursday – first alarm was for 6. nothing. Next alarm for 630. That woke me up. It was at this point when I realised I had a bullet blasted through my head. I was absolutely raging at this point. I had to walk down the road with my Bass, a bag full of clothes, and micks 2 fucking keyboard stands. The bag kept slipping off my shoulder, and nomatter how I held the stands they were always awkard, and the wind was beating against my hands. Not happy. Got to work and text him an angry message. Same day at work. Noone spoke to me atall. I was so bored, I didn’t even know what to do. I was trying to get people to have email conversations with me! Why? It was even quieter than the day before. Apparently its ‘unprofessional’ for me to communicate with the hosts, so I couldn’t even do that. Andy came in at some point to pick up the stands. I finished, got changed, blasted a bullet through my head, then ran up to andys. We got a taxi up to the ark. Did a nice soundcheck. Ralph is such a legend, I love that guy. Went to burger king and eat some food. Some of the guys from the other band were slagging Ralph. I was not chuffed. Was about to start arguing with them, but decided it wasn’t in the spirit of picking my battles, fight them running etc. The place was fucking mobbed, because it was the law diploma party or something, pretty much everyone on the course was there. I was in a total dilemma about what to do. I had work at 8 the next morning, no money, and I was fairly hungover(not sure how tho). But at the same time, I wanted to get pished. I brought it down to 2 options. 1. I could have a pint now, and then a pint once I went on, then home, allowing me to have a decent nights sleep. 2. I could drink lots of vodka, then go home once I finished playing. Unfortunately, neither of these worked. Started drinking vodka, at a fairly casual rate. I swear to god the ark just make up their prices as they go along. I got charged three different prices for my drinks. EFS was there, was good catchin up with the Cowboy. We were on last at 1130(I love playing past my bed time..not) the other bands were cool – obviously didn’t have that much experience, more similar to open mic sort of night, but good nonetheless. One of the acts, flora was epic.. sounded just like carrie, which I told her and she wasn’t too chuffed haha. The band before us went on, and I think they would have been pretty good in the 60’s! The first song the bass player broke his string. As I was the only other bass player, I was like fuck! I have to give him my bass. It’s an etiquette thing. Even tho that was the boy who had been slagging Ralph, I had no real option but to give it to him. I could just tell he was going to mishandle my lovely bass. But my baby is strong, and made it through to the end of the set. Ritchie topped off my double vodka with some more vodka, then I went on stage! The set went pretty well, although we were all racing through the songs. Even added scapegoat in for a bit of banter. A couple hairy moments, but the vodka made it good. Joanna tried hard to sell some cd’s, but noone had any money.
We had some proper banter with this Irish boy who was trying to sign the mailing list. Took him 20 minutes cos he kept slagging this other guy. It was absolutely so funny, the other boy kept trying to make comebacks but he just couldn’t. so funny. “no ugly people allowed” I think that hit a nerve with the boy ha. Brilliant. I was just ready to go home, when Mick was like you coming to Cab vol? FUCK! Went to cab vol. stayed there for a while. I wasn’t really up for it, but there was this bird there, gave her a decent amount of the chat. Gillian was there absolutely fucked! Chatted to her for a bit, turned around and this bird I was trying to pull was pulling some other guy! Gutted. I met the boys who had been at that flat the other week, the boy who served me tea haha! Danced to the Macareena, and I realised that Ulysses is a fucking tune! Got to about 2, and I was like this is shit, time for home.
Got a voicemail from Aidan “We’re in biddys, john knows actually everyone. I am literally standing next to a white van, this is shit. We might go to the hive, or we might not.” I thought fuck it.. they’ll be heading home soon, I can go meet them then head home. I couldn’t get a hold of them, so I left a deposit with the doorman, went for a quick look and found them! Went and got a stamp. Aidan was just leaving, and john put me in a sleeper hold. They had found some irish girls on the train back from Glasgow, so we danced with them. Watching john dance is pretty funny, he just looks at his muscles ha. I did some ballroom dancing with the irish bird, couldn’t for the life of me pronounce her name. Headed back to the girls flat, we seen a couple having sex on south bridge, shouted encouragement for a while then moved on. A lot of funny shit happened in the flat, I think john pissed in the kitchen sink. The irish bird was trying to tell me that Ireland were gonna kick our asses in the rugby… I said that may be so, but I don’t care about rugby.. she just kept repeating herself. Fuck. We got kicked out of the flat about 430, and were like what the fuck. John wanted to go to Cappadoccia, I was like no.. its fucking shut. We took fucking ages to walk home, then john just went somewhere else. Got back after 5, and craig and nick had just got back from the library. I explained exactly what had happened throughout the night. Although I think in my haste to get to bed it made no sense.
Friday - Got up at half past 6, and I was totally cunted. No milk in the flat, nothing for breakfast. Aah. Made it to work, and blasted a bullet through my forehead. It was another shit day at work. Very dull. I don’t know how I stayed awake, it was a real struggle. But I did. Again, noone talked to me. Do I smell? Does everyone hate me? Supposed to be working till 2, about 1230 the girl comes over and is like you can pack up and leave. Score. Got myself some chilli beef. Again, no one spoke to me. It was a real struggle to eat, i was so fucked. Had to go and pick up my bass from the ark. Phoned up to make sure it was open. The manager answered(the landline) and told me there was no one there to verify it was my bass. Surely he can verify. Twat. Anyways, i came back at 530, walked in and picked it up, no one saw me coming at all. Stupid. Got a cheeky burger from mcdonalds. I lost my energy walking back, just about collapsed ha. Still not been to sleep. Got back and Craig was going out for tea with nick. I couldn’t afford it, but fuck it. Went to Biblos but they wouldn’t serve us if we didn’t have a table. Headed to Teviot, nick ordered some nachos, me and craig ordered a chicken wrap each. Nick got his nachos. But me and craig got nachos between us. Not only did they get the order wrong, they gave us half of what we asked for. Twats. Aidan came up to meet me. Although he got me to basically walk to his house. I don’t know why i agreed. It was thomas’ last night in Edinburgh before he went off to spain. We were gonna go up for the famous ‘1’ drink. It was at the secret arcade which a really cool(slightly pricey) polish vodka bar just off Cockburn Street. Went in and Thomas got us a double Zubrowka each. Then we did a load of vodka shots – A nice mellon vodka, and a lemon vodka. Pretty cool stuff. We all went to the hive then. We have this card that gives us buy 1 get 1 free between 11 and 12. Got there just at 11. Craig met us. Now. This is where things get crazy. For whatever reason,the 3 of us started doing rounds of 6 Jagerbombs. We started playing a game, like that gladiators game where they have to run between the bases while the gladiators shoot at them(something like that anyway). We did 3 rounds at each bar.(except the cocktail bar wouldn’t give us 2for1 so we did an extra at the middle bar. We then did another 3 rounds at the middle bar(kindof giving up on the game). We finished off with buying 6 jagerbombs each, and pouring them into a pint glass. If you cant do the maths, which i cant at the moment... 90 Jagerbombs between 3 of us, plus the pint at the end. Im sure thats right. We did this all between 11 and 12. Perhaps unsurprisingly, i don’t have a clue what happened the rest of the night. I’m not sure if i was drinking the rest of the night, if we were dancing, who we seen nothing! We did try and send that irish girl a fairly inappropriate message(lol) but it didn’t send. It was natalies birthday, i seen her, i know that much. Dont know haha. We left at 3, steel had joined us by this point. I forgot that craig had my jacket in his bag, so i took a jacket that was lying on the ground.(turns out it was a womans jacket haaha. Apparently the 3 of us pulled the same girl, who had clymidia. I also think we got rid of her by slagging her about it. Circling and chanting and stuff haha. We decided that rather than the conventional ‘walk’ home, we should sausage roll all the way home. It took us an hour to reach the heart of Midlothian. Apparently that was our bit for comic relief, although i have no idea how we made any money from it. We were all fighting each other, throwing stuff about, and we ended up all lying on the ground. My jacket was lying near steel, i got it in my head that i should kick it at him. Got up, took a proper run up at it (i can in no way describe the hilarity/pain of what happens next, but it was without a doubt the funniest thing of the night) got to the jacket, planted my right foot on the jacket, swung back with my left foot and kicked the jacket. I hit the deck and planted my face in the concrete. So fucking sore. So fucking funny. Finally got a taxi home, aidan was crashing. We got in the flat, and literally the 3 of us lay in the door way for ages. Craig played some drums and got in trouble from the neighbours. I went to bed. Such a funny night.
Saturday – Woke up at 10 oclock. Watched some Simpsons on my laptop(maybe i don’t know!) Went for a haircut at 12. I had total doubts like, i was just thinking ‘my hairs awesome, why am i getting it cut. Totally cranocked like. I had to lean back while the girl washed my hair, i came very close to falling asleep haha. I don’t think i’ve been for a sober haircut in like 3 years or something. Its always good fun. Went back and watched the football. Liverpool absolutely destroyed Man U, so craig was raging. Kindof funny. He went to work, aidan went home. I kindof wanted a kebab. It was only 3 oclock. I didn’t know what to do. I ordered pizza. Pizza hut. It cost £15, i had Pizza, Pasta and Chicken. I ate barely half of it. Spent the rest of the day doing fuck all, i didn’t know what to do. I had to wait until 7 before i went to work, but i would have rather gone earlier. Went to go to work, and realised i couldn’t actually walk cos my back was so fucked from the night before. Got to work, blasted a bullet through my forehead went up. Everyone was like ‘oh your hair, its so different’. It was one of these shifts i love – absolutely mental. Edinburgh Uni Hockey Society, 200 folk. A lot of hot girls wearing nice dresses etc. Dream team was working – Me Wils and Hadley, good banter. Dinner started just after 8. It all sounded pretty rowdy, people shouting ‘I AM SPARTACUS’ Then downing their glasses of wine. We confiscated 4 bottles of vodka, and had them tempting us in the cloakroom. By 830, One of the guys had thrown up on his dinner plate. During my break, was talking to Becca and Lucy about how funny it is watching people throwing up. We somehow got onto the topic of how its funny to throw up and watch peoples reaction to it. We did that just as montse came in, and she was like ‘what are you talking about?’ haha. Lucy very kindly gave me her pudding. Other events in the night – A girl needed to throw up, but she couldn’t make it to the toilet, so there was 3 piles of sick creating a trail from the dinner room to the toilet hahahaha. The boys and girls hockey teams both do a dance off and a strip tease. The girls gave me their camera and I became the official photographer for their strip tease. Absolutely cracking. Not too coordinated, it basically involved 15 girls dancing to 50 Cent, then they took their clothes off and did the can can. Still...pretty hot. I occasionally turned the camera on me and gave them some memories of the evening. While this was happening, i turned round, and seen this girl leaning against a pillar, spitting on the ground. I was like come with me.. quickly! Took her into the staff toilet and helped her throw up. It was black. I just about threw up myself. I had to hold her shoulders to stop her from falling into the toilet. She stood up and i was like do you want a glass of water? Shes like no. She was standing pretty close to me and looking at me in a funny way. I just thought to myself if she fucking tries to kiss me i’m gonna kick her cunt in. Made a quick exit. Crazy night. I would like to point out, that while the girls looked good looking when they came in; after a couple hours they just looked disgusting, everyone was actually trolleyed. Got a decent amount of food, aswell as my pizza hut when i got home. It was good. Played a couple games of fifa with nick then went to bed. This is the first night i’ve gone to bed sober since Tuesday!
Sunday – Stayed in bed till 3. Kara phoned me, it sounded like they had a madness night the night before, gutted i couldn’t make it. Watched some family guy, then dragged myself out of bed. Cracked on the football. Finished off my pizza hut, aswell as my food from the night before. The game was decent, but Celtic switched it on in extra time. Mon the Bhoys. Brilliant. Went up to my folks, had a bath and slept.
Next week – Start at Biddy Mulligans on Monday, and im working 40 hours there this week! Should be good! I also should be starting another job as a home secretary(or call boy as marina calls it.. what are you wearing?’) at some point, which should be good. Things are definitely on the up, and hopefully within a couple weeks of solid working il be back to having some money! Wilson’s having his birthday party on Friday night which should be cool, and i’m gonna try and make it to DMH on Saturday...
Monday – kindof an unimportant day! Didnt really do much.. went into the phone shop to be told that they couldn’t find a problem with my phone..which is why they sent me an email telling me it was fixed.. I switched it on and lo and behold, the screen was fucked. Duuh. The guy then said they could send it away, but it wouldn’t be fixed..... So they are now putting me on a scheme which sounds like i’m going to get a shoddy second hand phone. Great.
Tuesday – I went into Gamestation with our guitar hero drums, spent literally an hour in there and came out with a different preowned version of it(which works a little better, but not much better!) bit gutted. I never told craig, and i put the box where the old one had been. He never noticed till i told him on Friday haha. Arcane Corps practise, i had gotten dressed up as 118 to go to the Marchmont party. Got back from practise and fell asleep.. oh well.
Wednesday – It’s NAPF again! This is like the 3rd year I’ve done it in a row. It’s so bloody boring!! I was lying in bed, wondering when my alarm was gonna go off, then I kindof opened my eyes a little and thought ‘oh fuck! It shouldn’t be this light already!’ checked my clock, and it was 730. damn phone alarm I hate you! – it was just aswell I didn’t go out the night before then. Got dressed and ran to work. I was in charge of the business centre, blabla I did it last year. I literally spent most of my time on facebook(which I don’t even like that much) Nobody spoke to me all day. I had to answer the phone twice and send a fax. Actually so dull. On the plus side, I had a crème egg. Working this conference is basically like de ja vu. Like the faxes I printed, the phone calls I received, im sure it was exactly the same people and documents as last year. At lunch time the idea of going to the pub for football was planted in my head.. Finished about 545, ran home, had the quickest shower of all time(34 seconds) got changed and headed to the pub. Met rory en route and we headed up. 99p a pint of Deuchars. Cant be beaten. Watched some football drank some beer. By 11 o clock we were all pished haha. Andy phoned me up and reminded me I still had micks keyboard stands, and mick was in no position to pick them up. Mikey and Rory went for some chips. I was like, na fuck it im getting a kebab. I’m such a fiend. Got back and hit the hay. Because my alarm hadn’t gone off this morning, I decided to be extra careful and set loads of alarms.
Thursday – first alarm was for 6. nothing. Next alarm for 630. That woke me up. It was at this point when I realised I had a bullet blasted through my head. I was absolutely raging at this point. I had to walk down the road with my Bass, a bag full of clothes, and micks 2 fucking keyboard stands. The bag kept slipping off my shoulder, and nomatter how I held the stands they were always awkard, and the wind was beating against my hands. Not happy. Got to work and text him an angry message. Same day at work. Noone spoke to me atall. I was so bored, I didn’t even know what to do. I was trying to get people to have email conversations with me! Why? It was even quieter than the day before. Apparently its ‘unprofessional’ for me to communicate with the hosts, so I couldn’t even do that. Andy came in at some point to pick up the stands. I finished, got changed, blasted a bullet through my head, then ran up to andys. We got a taxi up to the ark. Did a nice soundcheck. Ralph is such a legend, I love that guy. Went to burger king and eat some food. Some of the guys from the other band were slagging Ralph. I was not chuffed. Was about to start arguing with them, but decided it wasn’t in the spirit of picking my battles, fight them running etc. The place was fucking mobbed, because it was the law diploma party or something, pretty much everyone on the course was there. I was in a total dilemma about what to do. I had work at 8 the next morning, no money, and I was fairly hungover(not sure how tho). But at the same time, I wanted to get pished. I brought it down to 2 options. 1. I could have a pint now, and then a pint once I went on, then home, allowing me to have a decent nights sleep. 2. I could drink lots of vodka, then go home once I finished playing. Unfortunately, neither of these worked. Started drinking vodka, at a fairly casual rate. I swear to god the ark just make up their prices as they go along. I got charged three different prices for my drinks. EFS was there, was good catchin up with the Cowboy. We were on last at 1130(I love playing past my bed time..not) the other bands were cool – obviously didn’t have that much experience, more similar to open mic sort of night, but good nonetheless. One of the acts, flora was epic.. sounded just like carrie, which I told her and she wasn’t too chuffed haha. The band before us went on, and I think they would have been pretty good in the 60’s! The first song the bass player broke his string. As I was the only other bass player, I was like fuck! I have to give him my bass. It’s an etiquette thing. Even tho that was the boy who had been slagging Ralph, I had no real option but to give it to him. I could just tell he was going to mishandle my lovely bass. But my baby is strong, and made it through to the end of the set. Ritchie topped off my double vodka with some more vodka, then I went on stage! The set went pretty well, although we were all racing through the songs. Even added scapegoat in for a bit of banter. A couple hairy moments, but the vodka made it good. Joanna tried hard to sell some cd’s, but noone had any money.
We had some proper banter with this Irish boy who was trying to sign the mailing list. Took him 20 minutes cos he kept slagging this other guy. It was absolutely so funny, the other boy kept trying to make comebacks but he just couldn’t. so funny. “no ugly people allowed” I think that hit a nerve with the boy ha. Brilliant. I was just ready to go home, when Mick was like you coming to Cab vol? FUCK! Went to cab vol. stayed there for a while. I wasn’t really up for it, but there was this bird there, gave her a decent amount of the chat. Gillian was there absolutely fucked! Chatted to her for a bit, turned around and this bird I was trying to pull was pulling some other guy! Gutted. I met the boys who had been at that flat the other week, the boy who served me tea haha! Danced to the Macareena, and I realised that Ulysses is a fucking tune! Got to about 2, and I was like this is shit, time for home.
Got a voicemail from Aidan “We’re in biddys, john knows actually everyone. I am literally standing next to a white van, this is shit. We might go to the hive, or we might not.” I thought fuck it.. they’ll be heading home soon, I can go meet them then head home. I couldn’t get a hold of them, so I left a deposit with the doorman, went for a quick look and found them! Went and got a stamp. Aidan was just leaving, and john put me in a sleeper hold. They had found some irish girls on the train back from Glasgow, so we danced with them. Watching john dance is pretty funny, he just looks at his muscles ha. I did some ballroom dancing with the irish bird, couldn’t for the life of me pronounce her name. Headed back to the girls flat, we seen a couple having sex on south bridge, shouted encouragement for a while then moved on. A lot of funny shit happened in the flat, I think john pissed in the kitchen sink. The irish bird was trying to tell me that Ireland were gonna kick our asses in the rugby… I said that may be so, but I don’t care about rugby.. she just kept repeating herself. Fuck. We got kicked out of the flat about 430, and were like what the fuck. John wanted to go to Cappadoccia, I was like no.. its fucking shut. We took fucking ages to walk home, then john just went somewhere else. Got back after 5, and craig and nick had just got back from the library. I explained exactly what had happened throughout the night. Although I think in my haste to get to bed it made no sense.
Friday - Got up at half past 6, and I was totally cunted. No milk in the flat, nothing for breakfast. Aah. Made it to work, and blasted a bullet through my forehead. It was another shit day at work. Very dull. I don’t know how I stayed awake, it was a real struggle. But I did. Again, noone talked to me. Do I smell? Does everyone hate me? Supposed to be working till 2, about 1230 the girl comes over and is like you can pack up and leave. Score. Got myself some chilli beef. Again, no one spoke to me. It was a real struggle to eat, i was so fucked. Had to go and pick up my bass from the ark. Phoned up to make sure it was open. The manager answered(the landline) and told me there was no one there to verify it was my bass. Surely he can verify. Twat. Anyways, i came back at 530, walked in and picked it up, no one saw me coming at all. Stupid. Got a cheeky burger from mcdonalds. I lost my energy walking back, just about collapsed ha. Still not been to sleep. Got back and Craig was going out for tea with nick. I couldn’t afford it, but fuck it. Went to Biblos but they wouldn’t serve us if we didn’t have a table. Headed to Teviot, nick ordered some nachos, me and craig ordered a chicken wrap each. Nick got his nachos. But me and craig got nachos between us. Not only did they get the order wrong, they gave us half of what we asked for. Twats. Aidan came up to meet me. Although he got me to basically walk to his house. I don’t know why i agreed. It was thomas’ last night in Edinburgh before he went off to spain. We were gonna go up for the famous ‘1’ drink. It was at the secret arcade which a really cool(slightly pricey) polish vodka bar just off Cockburn Street. Went in and Thomas got us a double Zubrowka each. Then we did a load of vodka shots – A nice mellon vodka, and a lemon vodka. Pretty cool stuff. We all went to the hive then. We have this card that gives us buy 1 get 1 free between 11 and 12. Got there just at 11. Craig met us. Now. This is where things get crazy. For whatever reason,the 3 of us started doing rounds of 6 Jagerbombs. We started playing a game, like that gladiators game where they have to run between the bases while the gladiators shoot at them(something like that anyway). We did 3 rounds at each bar.(except the cocktail bar wouldn’t give us 2for1 so we did an extra at the middle bar. We then did another 3 rounds at the middle bar(kindof giving up on the game). We finished off with buying 6 jagerbombs each, and pouring them into a pint glass. If you cant do the maths, which i cant at the moment... 90 Jagerbombs between 3 of us, plus the pint at the end. Im sure thats right. We did this all between 11 and 12. Perhaps unsurprisingly, i don’t have a clue what happened the rest of the night. I’m not sure if i was drinking the rest of the night, if we were dancing, who we seen nothing! We did try and send that irish girl a fairly inappropriate message(lol) but it didn’t send. It was natalies birthday, i seen her, i know that much. Dont know haha. We left at 3, steel had joined us by this point. I forgot that craig had my jacket in his bag, so i took a jacket that was lying on the ground.(turns out it was a womans jacket haaha. Apparently the 3 of us pulled the same girl, who had clymidia. I also think we got rid of her by slagging her about it. Circling and chanting and stuff haha. We decided that rather than the conventional ‘walk’ home, we should sausage roll all the way home. It took us an hour to reach the heart of Midlothian. Apparently that was our bit for comic relief, although i have no idea how we made any money from it. We were all fighting each other, throwing stuff about, and we ended up all lying on the ground. My jacket was lying near steel, i got it in my head that i should kick it at him. Got up, took a proper run up at it (i can in no way describe the hilarity/pain of what happens next, but it was without a doubt the funniest thing of the night) got to the jacket, planted my right foot on the jacket, swung back with my left foot and kicked the jacket. I hit the deck and planted my face in the concrete. So fucking sore. So fucking funny. Finally got a taxi home, aidan was crashing. We got in the flat, and literally the 3 of us lay in the door way for ages. Craig played some drums and got in trouble from the neighbours. I went to bed. Such a funny night.
Saturday – Woke up at 10 oclock. Watched some Simpsons on my laptop(maybe i don’t know!) Went for a haircut at 12. I had total doubts like, i was just thinking ‘my hairs awesome, why am i getting it cut. Totally cranocked like. I had to lean back while the girl washed my hair, i came very close to falling asleep haha. I don’t think i’ve been for a sober haircut in like 3 years or something. Its always good fun. Went back and watched the football. Liverpool absolutely destroyed Man U, so craig was raging. Kindof funny. He went to work, aidan went home. I kindof wanted a kebab. It was only 3 oclock. I didn’t know what to do. I ordered pizza. Pizza hut. It cost £15, i had Pizza, Pasta and Chicken. I ate barely half of it. Spent the rest of the day doing fuck all, i didn’t know what to do. I had to wait until 7 before i went to work, but i would have rather gone earlier. Went to go to work, and realised i couldn’t actually walk cos my back was so fucked from the night before. Got to work, blasted a bullet through my forehead went up. Everyone was like ‘oh your hair, its so different’. It was one of these shifts i love – absolutely mental. Edinburgh Uni Hockey Society, 200 folk. A lot of hot girls wearing nice dresses etc. Dream team was working – Me Wils and Hadley, good banter. Dinner started just after 8. It all sounded pretty rowdy, people shouting ‘I AM SPARTACUS’ Then downing their glasses of wine. We confiscated 4 bottles of vodka, and had them tempting us in the cloakroom. By 830, One of the guys had thrown up on his dinner plate. During my break, was talking to Becca and Lucy about how funny it is watching people throwing up. We somehow got onto the topic of how its funny to throw up and watch peoples reaction to it. We did that just as montse came in, and she was like ‘what are you talking about?’ haha. Lucy very kindly gave me her pudding. Other events in the night – A girl needed to throw up, but she couldn’t make it to the toilet, so there was 3 piles of sick creating a trail from the dinner room to the toilet hahahaha. The boys and girls hockey teams both do a dance off and a strip tease. The girls gave me their camera and I became the official photographer for their strip tease. Absolutely cracking. Not too coordinated, it basically involved 15 girls dancing to 50 Cent, then they took their clothes off and did the can can. Still...pretty hot. I occasionally turned the camera on me and gave them some memories of the evening. While this was happening, i turned round, and seen this girl leaning against a pillar, spitting on the ground. I was like come with me.. quickly! Took her into the staff toilet and helped her throw up. It was black. I just about threw up myself. I had to hold her shoulders to stop her from falling into the toilet. She stood up and i was like do you want a glass of water? Shes like no. She was standing pretty close to me and looking at me in a funny way. I just thought to myself if she fucking tries to kiss me i’m gonna kick her cunt in. Made a quick exit. Crazy night. I would like to point out, that while the girls looked good looking when they came in; after a couple hours they just looked disgusting, everyone was actually trolleyed. Got a decent amount of food, aswell as my pizza hut when i got home. It was good. Played a couple games of fifa with nick then went to bed. This is the first night i’ve gone to bed sober since Tuesday!
Sunday – Stayed in bed till 3. Kara phoned me, it sounded like they had a madness night the night before, gutted i couldn’t make it. Watched some family guy, then dragged myself out of bed. Cracked on the football. Finished off my pizza hut, aswell as my food from the night before. The game was decent, but Celtic switched it on in extra time. Mon the Bhoys. Brilliant. Went up to my folks, had a bath and slept.
Next week – Start at Biddy Mulligans on Monday, and im working 40 hours there this week! Should be good! I also should be starting another job as a home secretary(or call boy as marina calls it.. what are you wearing?’) at some point, which should be good. Things are definitely on the up, and hopefully within a couple weeks of solid working il be back to having some money! Wilson’s having his birthday party on Friday night which should be cool, and i’m gonna try and make it to DMH on Saturday...
Sunday 8 March 2009
I'll Stay With You, The Walls Will Fall Before We Do
Good week - not quite as eventful as the previous week..but decent all the same, and it allowed me to regain some sense of normality!!
Monday - Borrowed my dads bike, and i was gonna cycle down to leith to fill out some forms for my disclosure, my phone was dead at this point so i made a pit stop at polwarth to charge my phone for a bit. Just as well i did because i got a phone call telling me not to go. that wasnt that interesting, but it was true haha! Cycled down to johns, and i decided that i dont like cycling on main roads - i'm just not sure where to position myself when turning right. On the inside of the road? outside of the road?? Also it was fucking windy. Went down to the bank to try and sort some stuff out.. but the woman wasnt in. I maybe had a game of fifa, infact - this could have been the night i beat craig 6-0 - it could have been a lot more, he didnt let me touch the ball from about 65mins. just passed it between his defence.
Tuesday - I did something doing in the morning.. i cant remember what exactly. Mick came over about 2ish to work on some tunes. We got two songs pretty much sorted. I dont think the guys(or me) realise how much i am influenced by cheesy pop from the 80's. One of the songs had like 4 key changes in it haha. we liked it, andy wasnt too keen so we've cut it down to 2 key changes. Mick suggested the idea of a kebab. I was against it, but in the end i needed one. This is now 3 days after the weekend ended, my hangover has ended and i feel great. I took 2 bites out of my kebab, and i had to throw up on the street - this is at 5pm..rush hour, lots of people coming home from work/school etc. so funny. i dont know how it happened! Went over to steels and played a few games of street fighter 4. Its so funny watching steel play it, he gets so excited. he couldnt be beaten. I then announced that i trained as m.bison for when i was 12, and never stopped playing for 10 years(ie when im 22). I kicked his cunt in as m. bison. Came home and played some fifa. bed.
Wednesday - Went into the phone shop to try and get them to actually fix my phone. I was in there about half an hour and eventually managed to get a courtesy phone. Fucking nokia, impossible to work! I've also lost half my numbers - so if ive not been in touch thats why. feel free to drop me a text, im bored! Bought some sunglasses from boots, bloody rip off - i just want some cheap ones, i'm gonna lose them soon! Watched some football, i cant remember who was playing - oh infact it was celtic killie. not a bad game! Huns got beat which was cool.
Thursday - Took me ages to get out of bed, i was so tired. I did something in the morning, cant remember exactly what. Went down to start my teaching in leith/trinity(murrays house) i dont know what the areas called! Still trying to figure out which bus is best to get. Lesson was cool!(btw, anyone want to learn how to play the bass like a god then give me a shout!) Timing on the way home was tough. I sat up the back of the bus for some reason, not thinking that its rush hour and the bus will get full. So at my stop i had to push through a full bus with my bass and amp! Some guy tapped me on the shoulder and gave me my sunglasses. 1 day. still got them. Got home, threw on my work clothes, and ran up the road. Made it just in time for the start. Not a bad shift, total sausagefest unfortunately. Charlie dropped a bomb on us and told us we were there til 4! rubbish. Ah well. I went for a kebab for my tea for some reason, it was absolutely great. I spent a good half hour recapping my weekend to rhona, telling her why it was the best weekend in the world. at the end of it, she goes 'that sounds like a bit of shit weekend?'. words cant explain. i dont know why it was the best weekend ever, but it was. I told some guy 'sorry, you'l have to leave by the door' you had to be there, but it was so funny! Eventually we got in, and just hammered the room. we had to clear 60 tables and 600 chairs. Got out about 330. straight to bed!
Friday - had a band practise, i was so tired - it was a pretty decent practise, got the 2 songs nailed. Although 3 straight hours is a wee bit much.. its bloody knackering. my fingers started to hurt aswell. Got home, i was just getting ready to take my dads bike back when mike came round and played a couple games of fifa. He was going over to steels, then they were going to see Jakil. I phoned my dad and said i was just coming up. he asked if i wanted a chinese.. Ok! So just as i was leaving i noticed that suddenly it had gotten dark. A bit too dark to cycle with no lights on. phoned my dad and he said fair enough..but do you want us to bring your chinese over? yeah that would be great haha! Free chinese, home delivered! After that i decided to go over to steels. I beat mike 9 times in a row at street fighter. Ashamed to say i just used the same move over and over, but i still kicked his cunt in! Steel and Mike went to see Jakil. I just stayed in with Lucy, Bookta and a couple other codgers. One of them looked like he was Shawn Michaels the wrestler.. It was a very strange night, we had a couple beers, listened(and they air guitared and sang) to judas priest and other stuff. I wasnt really up for partying since i had work in the morning, so i went home and felt a little bit drunk.
Saturday - Work all day! I got up in plenty of time to have a shower and breakfast, but i still managed to be 3 minutes late. But dont worry because i finished my work break 3 minutes early, so it all evened out in the end. mental. Each year we have a conference on called walking with god. generally 1200 christians come together to praise and sing and be happy etc. This year it was 'women walking with god'. 1200 women. Now i dont want to say anything that may get me into trouble here so i wont. but some church girls are nice. It was a good conference because everyone was so friendly, noone being a dick. Although towards the end of the day, i must say that some of the women were getting ratty about their sessions being full. Went to Chicken Cottage for lunch with sam. That place is pretty cool. I noticed Kristine was working in Emondo so i popped in on my afternoon tea break to get a coke and catch up with her. its been too long! Hartmanns started working as a tech, so i had some banter with him. It was a good day.
Got home, made myself possibly the worst tea ever. Spaghetti in sweet and sour sauce, with chopped sausages(6 sausages). It was fucking rank. I had some garlic bread too.
Charlie came over with my guitar(finally!) and i tuned his. Let him hear some of the marvels tunes then ran through the rain to scotmid. I got Jammy Dodgers(i love them now) and some buttons. Aids and Mike came up for movie night. Finally, we get to watch Airplane! Mike told us about how fucked he was the night before. He took a shit in the meadows, while Steel looked on vomiting. Fucking brilliant haha. Talking about cheesy chat up lines - i've been told i have to use "Did you fall from heaven? Cos Baby your a star"(click of the fingers and a wink). haha. The thing about chat up lines, is you've just got to tell them the right way, and to the right person and they will work. I bet you i can get that to work.
Airplane is a fucking brilliant film. I fucking love it. Theres just so many gags in it. We watched Airplane 2 aswell. It was probably not the best idea to watch them back to back, since Airplane 2 has the exact same jokes as Airplane, just slightly(very slightly) adapted. That said there are a couple new gags in there, some of which are brilliant. The guys departed and i went to bed.
Sunday - got up and nick offered me a pancake. He made 4 pancakes and used 5 eggs! fucking raj. Heavy assed pancakes. cycled up to my folks to drop off the bike in the snow. made it most of the way, except i had to push at one point cos my bike lost all grip and just stayed on the spot. Had some breakfast then went back to the flat. Had a half hour power session learning some tunes for CATM, then aidan picked me up. Good practise, just learnt a lot of new songs. We now have the capacity for a section in our set dedicated to u2, Michael Jackson, Elbow, and other stuff i cant remember. Nikki dropped me home, then i went into biddys to meet with the manager. So looks like i got a job which is cool! All seems pretty sound there. Walked home in the freezing rain. an old woman asked me for directions to the bus stop(fair enough). I didnt really know, so i sent her to princes to street. She then asked me to go across the road and buy her toilet roll, so i told her to fuck off. Got back and had a couple games of mario kart. seriously i am untouchable at this game. I didnt even have to race the last race cos i was so far ahead. I was fucking knackered when i went to bed, and i think this might have been the first night in ages where i didnt wake up through the night. Excellent.
Next week - Things seem to be on the up. EICC is getting busier, which means more money for me - I am assuming the role of NAPF IT specialist this week. haha. Job at biddys will be starting in a couple weeks, but hopefully i can use this period to propel myself out of this debt ive gotten myself into over the past couple of months. The amount i have to pay for council tax basically gets halved once april starts. Things are on the up. 1f1 marchmont party on tuesday, although i cant afford to go out after. Marvels gigging at the ark on thursday as part of the law society party or something, should be fun! Anyone is welcome to come! We can make a bit of a night of it, i might have a couple beers. Crush and the monkeys start the pub circuit on saturday - got a gig in bonyrigg which should hopefully start bringing us some more monies. Cup final on the sunday too. I look forward to the week!
Monday - Borrowed my dads bike, and i was gonna cycle down to leith to fill out some forms for my disclosure, my phone was dead at this point so i made a pit stop at polwarth to charge my phone for a bit. Just as well i did because i got a phone call telling me not to go. that wasnt that interesting, but it was true haha! Cycled down to johns, and i decided that i dont like cycling on main roads - i'm just not sure where to position myself when turning right. On the inside of the road? outside of the road?? Also it was fucking windy. Went down to the bank to try and sort some stuff out.. but the woman wasnt in. I maybe had a game of fifa, infact - this could have been the night i beat craig 6-0 - it could have been a lot more, he didnt let me touch the ball from about 65mins. just passed it between his defence.
Tuesday - I did something doing in the morning.. i cant remember what exactly. Mick came over about 2ish to work on some tunes. We got two songs pretty much sorted. I dont think the guys(or me) realise how much i am influenced by cheesy pop from the 80's. One of the songs had like 4 key changes in it haha. we liked it, andy wasnt too keen so we've cut it down to 2 key changes. Mick suggested the idea of a kebab. I was against it, but in the end i needed one. This is now 3 days after the weekend ended, my hangover has ended and i feel great. I took 2 bites out of my kebab, and i had to throw up on the street - this is at 5pm..rush hour, lots of people coming home from work/school etc. so funny. i dont know how it happened! Went over to steels and played a few games of street fighter 4. Its so funny watching steel play it, he gets so excited. he couldnt be beaten. I then announced that i trained as m.bison for when i was 12, and never stopped playing for 10 years(ie when im 22). I kicked his cunt in as m. bison. Came home and played some fifa. bed.
Wednesday - Went into the phone shop to try and get them to actually fix my phone. I was in there about half an hour and eventually managed to get a courtesy phone. Fucking nokia, impossible to work! I've also lost half my numbers - so if ive not been in touch thats why. feel free to drop me a text, im bored! Bought some sunglasses from boots, bloody rip off - i just want some cheap ones, i'm gonna lose them soon! Watched some football, i cant remember who was playing - oh infact it was celtic killie. not a bad game! Huns got beat which was cool.
Thursday - Took me ages to get out of bed, i was so tired. I did something in the morning, cant remember exactly what. Went down to start my teaching in leith/trinity(murrays house) i dont know what the areas called! Still trying to figure out which bus is best to get. Lesson was cool!(btw, anyone want to learn how to play the bass like a god then give me a shout!) Timing on the way home was tough. I sat up the back of the bus for some reason, not thinking that its rush hour and the bus will get full. So at my stop i had to push through a full bus with my bass and amp! Some guy tapped me on the shoulder and gave me my sunglasses. 1 day. still got them. Got home, threw on my work clothes, and ran up the road. Made it just in time for the start. Not a bad shift, total sausagefest unfortunately. Charlie dropped a bomb on us and told us we were there til 4! rubbish. Ah well. I went for a kebab for my tea for some reason, it was absolutely great. I spent a good half hour recapping my weekend to rhona, telling her why it was the best weekend in the world. at the end of it, she goes 'that sounds like a bit of shit weekend?'. words cant explain. i dont know why it was the best weekend ever, but it was. I told some guy 'sorry, you'l have to leave by the door' you had to be there, but it was so funny! Eventually we got in, and just hammered the room. we had to clear 60 tables and 600 chairs. Got out about 330. straight to bed!
Friday - had a band practise, i was so tired - it was a pretty decent practise, got the 2 songs nailed. Although 3 straight hours is a wee bit much.. its bloody knackering. my fingers started to hurt aswell. Got home, i was just getting ready to take my dads bike back when mike came round and played a couple games of fifa. He was going over to steels, then they were going to see Jakil. I phoned my dad and said i was just coming up. he asked if i wanted a chinese.. Ok! So just as i was leaving i noticed that suddenly it had gotten dark. A bit too dark to cycle with no lights on. phoned my dad and he said fair enough..but do you want us to bring your chinese over? yeah that would be great haha! Free chinese, home delivered! After that i decided to go over to steels. I beat mike 9 times in a row at street fighter. Ashamed to say i just used the same move over and over, but i still kicked his cunt in! Steel and Mike went to see Jakil. I just stayed in with Lucy, Bookta and a couple other codgers. One of them looked like he was Shawn Michaels the wrestler.. It was a very strange night, we had a couple beers, listened(and they air guitared and sang) to judas priest and other stuff. I wasnt really up for partying since i had work in the morning, so i went home and felt a little bit drunk.
Saturday - Work all day! I got up in plenty of time to have a shower and breakfast, but i still managed to be 3 minutes late. But dont worry because i finished my work break 3 minutes early, so it all evened out in the end. mental. Each year we have a conference on called walking with god. generally 1200 christians come together to praise and sing and be happy etc. This year it was 'women walking with god'. 1200 women. Now i dont want to say anything that may get me into trouble here so i wont. but some church girls are nice. It was a good conference because everyone was so friendly, noone being a dick. Although towards the end of the day, i must say that some of the women were getting ratty about their sessions being full. Went to Chicken Cottage for lunch with sam. That place is pretty cool. I noticed Kristine was working in Emondo so i popped in on my afternoon tea break to get a coke and catch up with her. its been too long! Hartmanns started working as a tech, so i had some banter with him. It was a good day.
Got home, made myself possibly the worst tea ever. Spaghetti in sweet and sour sauce, with chopped sausages(6 sausages). It was fucking rank. I had some garlic bread too.
Charlie came over with my guitar(finally!) and i tuned his. Let him hear some of the marvels tunes then ran through the rain to scotmid. I got Jammy Dodgers(i love them now) and some buttons. Aids and Mike came up for movie night. Finally, we get to watch Airplane! Mike told us about how fucked he was the night before. He took a shit in the meadows, while Steel looked on vomiting. Fucking brilliant haha. Talking about cheesy chat up lines - i've been told i have to use "Did you fall from heaven? Cos Baby your a star"(click of the fingers and a wink). haha. The thing about chat up lines, is you've just got to tell them the right way, and to the right person and they will work. I bet you i can get that to work.
Airplane is a fucking brilliant film. I fucking love it. Theres just so many gags in it. We watched Airplane 2 aswell. It was probably not the best idea to watch them back to back, since Airplane 2 has the exact same jokes as Airplane, just slightly(very slightly) adapted. That said there are a couple new gags in there, some of which are brilliant. The guys departed and i went to bed.
Sunday - got up and nick offered me a pancake. He made 4 pancakes and used 5 eggs! fucking raj. Heavy assed pancakes. cycled up to my folks to drop off the bike in the snow. made it most of the way, except i had to push at one point cos my bike lost all grip and just stayed on the spot. Had some breakfast then went back to the flat. Had a half hour power session learning some tunes for CATM, then aidan picked me up. Good practise, just learnt a lot of new songs. We now have the capacity for a section in our set dedicated to u2, Michael Jackson, Elbow, and other stuff i cant remember. Nikki dropped me home, then i went into biddys to meet with the manager. So looks like i got a job which is cool! All seems pretty sound there. Walked home in the freezing rain. an old woman asked me for directions to the bus stop(fair enough). I didnt really know, so i sent her to princes to street. She then asked me to go across the road and buy her toilet roll, so i told her to fuck off. Got back and had a couple games of mario kart. seriously i am untouchable at this game. I didnt even have to race the last race cos i was so far ahead. I was fucking knackered when i went to bed, and i think this might have been the first night in ages where i didnt wake up through the night. Excellent.
Next week - Things seem to be on the up. EICC is getting busier, which means more money for me - I am assuming the role of NAPF IT specialist this week. haha. Job at biddys will be starting in a couple weeks, but hopefully i can use this period to propel myself out of this debt ive gotten myself into over the past couple of months. The amount i have to pay for council tax basically gets halved once april starts. Things are on the up. 1f1 marchmont party on tuesday, although i cant afford to go out after. Marvels gigging at the ark on thursday as part of the law society party or something, should be fun! Anyone is welcome to come! We can make a bit of a night of it, i might have a couple beers. Crush and the monkeys start the pub circuit on saturday - got a gig in bonyrigg which should hopefully start bringing us some more monies. Cup final on the sunday too. I look forward to the week!
Monday 2 March 2009
I Cannot Sleep With A Head Like This, I Wanna Cry, I Wanna Scream
Thus completes an equally shit and amazing week. Although, it has to be said that was the absolute best weekend I have ever had(T in the park not included of course). I fucking loved every minute of it. Thankyou to everyone involved in anyway.
Monday – Did some stuff in the house, went about town dropping cv’s and shit. Aidan came round later and I used my kill disk to kill his computer, and then I used my save disk to bring it back from the dead – Aidan’s computer is the son of god basically.
Tuesday – Pancake Tuesday! Fucking love this day. Got up in the morning, nick made some pancakes. I also made some bacon rolls. Fucking great. Went for an epic run. Like doubled my fucking usual difference. Chummed nick to the Uni library and printed some shit off. Went to the library and got a book about world war 2. Figuring I can’t remember how it all went down, and would be good to know! Had an Arcane Corps practise 6-8 – nice, concise, and tight as fuck. Got back to the flat and me and nick made literally fucking loads of pancakes. Like 6 eggs were used in the mix. It was a struggle to eat. Fuck. Craig got back, (we even saved him some pancakes). He casually dropped the bomb that my Metallica tickets had fallen through. 6 days to go. Absolutely fucking gutted. Not sure what I’m going to do. I then spent the next 2 days barely speaking to Craig cos I was so ragin.. I just didn’t know what to say(eh eh). Hit the hay.
Wednesday – Got up early and went about handing CV’s, also went to Johns to catch up with the lad. (this may have happened on Tuesday..) Got back, went about handing more CV’s etc. wild goose chase you know. I had the anger running through me. Totally pumped, went for a run at double the speed I normally go. It was fucking intense. Got back and watched Resident Evil with Craig and Carrie. That big mental thing, whats he called? The Tyrant or the Abominator or something. He can’t be killed.
Thursday – Woke up for work with the perfect song for my current state of mind pumping through me. The Unnamed feeling! That’s a fucking tune. Took a walk to work listening to that and All Within My Hands. St Anger has some tunes like! Got to work, and turned out we were being split into pairs for the day. 90% of the people in were old cronies, and I just couldn’t have handled a day with Bridget or someone(no offence). Stroke of luck, I got paired with Daisy. We also got put together with an actor(slightly random but all good). Our task for the day was to direct a group of 90 folk around the building, like sheep. We started at 8, and we didn’t have to do this until 1130. In that time, I drank 4 cans of coke. Showtime. Blabla, piece of piss. Just had banter with Daisy and this actor(actress). One time, over a year ago – I had a chocolate éclair that was filled with chocolate mousse. A super éclair. That has now passed into legend. There were 10 massive tables FILLED with these éclairs. I just about eat them all. We went to our room, and behold – we had some for ourselves. I spent the next 15 minutes before lunch with a massive grin on my face. Just waiting for the taste of it. Lunch came, I piled my plate high with sandwiches and bruschetta. Excellent. But then came the moment. And I swear to god, this éclair lived up to my expectation of it 100%. It was almost sexual. If you ever get the chance to even look at one, do not pass it up. I was blessed, I had 3. And this was the turning point of the week. From here on in, it becomes the best weekend of my life.
The rest of the day was fun. Nothing too interesting to report. Budget for the weekend - £20 each for Thursday/Friday £50 for pub golf Saturday. I would like to add that I cant actually afford this, but it was to be done anyway. I actually stuck to this budget. Little boots at cab vol. Went to meet Hashy, Barry and Smithy at standing order. We spent the whole time talking about T and Magaluf. “Do you remember the time...”.They fucked off to watch skins, so I went and met Claire and Karin at Advocate. Good banter had there. In time carrie, craig and Charlie arrived(btw, how many fucking names begin with C!) Claire asked me to check on the boots que. I said it was down to the corner, which she responded ‘don’t fucking lie crusher’. Went down about 11, and loan behold, the que was now round the corner, and then round another corner. Fuck that shit, lets hit the hive. We lost Charlie. Went to the hive and was surprised to find it was slightly busy(in comparison to a fortnight ago, when it was only us). In the back dancefloor, there was a partition separating the seats and floor. We sat at the seats. Went up to the DJ, who was absolutely loving it and asked for journey. He was like ‘oh yeah! Yeah!’ so we kindof assumed he would play it. Turns out he does this for any song you request. And just plays fuck all. Except he did play dizee rascal which Claire gave us a superb rendition of. We stood up at the partition, and commanded the fans. Great. Whenever the DJ went to the toilet, me and carrie jumped on the decks only to be thrown off them by the bouncer. I think me and Claire did the foxtrot or something, but we updated it to incorporate modern dance moves. I ran out of money and so resorted to minesweeping. Met joss ross towards the end, and we were dancing with loadsof folk and shit. Met these 2 french girls ‘j’mappelle maude et mart’ I’m pretty sure they were fucking minging, but we thought they could come to a party at our flat. Also Joss Ross and this hot girl he was with could come. However, word spread of this ‘Party at Polwarth’ and me and craig were like fuck it, lets run away. We walked home, forgetting Joss Ross knows where we live. He got 20 people in taxis to our stair, so when we arrived home there were 20 people in our stair making loadsof noise. We got rid of them, nick tried to punch Joss Ross. Joss Ross and the girl came in, I strapped my bass on her and was like goan just play me a cool bassline. She then called Nick a dick, to which craig responded ‘ get out my flat you stupid whore’ they were arguing and I was like ‘guys! Come on. I just want to hear one bassline!’ eventually they left. Haha. Me and craig used joint efforts to open our windows which had been shut for 2 weeks.
Friday – Got up. Had a game of Mario kart. Me and craig decided instead of the usual 8 races, we would have 32! We played the first 4 races 8 times over and over. I absolutely kicked his cunt in, so didn’t actually need to race for the last 4. Felt totally hungover and ended up doing fuck all most of the day. Luckily soundcheck was delayed by 2 hours, so got to hive for 6. Chatted to stalk and hash for an extended period of time. Stalk gave me a 2 for 1 card. Legend. I love that card. Went up with taylor and hashy to clamshell for a donner wrap. That was barry. Went back. We had our first drink at 8ish. Everyone else got like a pint or whatever. For some reason, which I cant understand – I had 2 Jagerbombs. I then watched the over bands totally shaking. I think I can probably pinpoint that as the moment I lost my mind this weekend. Necked 2 bottles of becks before going on, so while the guys were waiting to play, I was in the toilet considering whether to be sick. I declined. Played the gig. It was good. This boy who was fucked got thrown out cos he was so fucked. He totally planted himself into the wall. He then bumped into this guy, who grabbed his throat and through him through the side of the stage. A bit out of order, he was only having fun. For the end of our last song, I took my strap off and held my bass up in the air. Fucking epic. After the gig, just kept hammering the drinks down. Sat in the cocktail lounge. After a while, Sam, Caitlin, Mike, Aidan, John showed up, loads of folks showed up. Funny story happened with me and sam, but I cant repeat it here because people might get offended or whatever. Involved a fit girl but I’m not saying who. We all just got totally goosed. John was in a totally aggressive mode. So I spent from about 2-3 following him around being like ‘leave him alone john, don’t fight him, he’s not done anything’ blab la. I hardly remember speaking to Aij, but I remember him being a cunt. He apparently whispered to some random guy ‘If you ever come near me again, I’ll throw your face through that fucking wall’(the wall which was about 10 metres away). So funny. I also remember having some banter with mike, but I also remember him being a twat. At the end, me and him broke into the hotel opposite the hive, and were gonna steal a trolley of dancefloor pieces. In the end, we just took the tools used to screw them in(essentially screwdrivers) and had a duel with them. John phoned up cappadoccia, and we went and got some kebab. Via John trying to fight everyone he walked past. Spent like 30mins in Cappadoccia, just shaking the guys hands. Standing outside eating our pizza, these 2 irish guys came up and were like ‘what you got on your pizza, margarita, that’s pretty boring’ I was like na its pepperoni. They were like ‘theres no pepperonis on it’, its inside pepperoni. John thought they were trying to eat my pizza, so he goes ‘If you touch his pizza I’l break your fucking nose’ the boys mate goes ‘if you break his fucking nose I’l break your fucking nose’ so Im like ‘if you break his fucking nose I’l break your fucking nose’. Hashy then walks past and I’m like if you break hashys fucking nose then were all fucked. So the guys go away, but as their leaving one of them turns round and shouts to john ‘I fucked your mum’. John then gives me his kebab, fanta and jacket, and chases after the boy. He chased him from greyfriars bobby to marchmont. All the way across the meadows. So funny. We finally caught him and were walking up to hashy’s when a guy walks past us in the opposite direction. John looks at him and goes ‘THAT’S FUCKING HIM!’ the boy screams ‘I’m sorry!’ and sprints off. That was so funny. Walking up to hashys, and we see a girl sitting In a doorway. We were like ‘Are you homeless?’ ‘na, im just waiting for someone’. At 4 in the morning? You daft bitch, come to our house. She was like ‘na fuck off’(also she was a complete bam). So we started walking away. She gets up and calls ‘guys, don’t leave me!’ so she comes up with us. Sittin with her in the flat. Shes like ‘so which ones your room?’ umm.. i sleep in the kitchen. We drank loadsof sam’s mount gay rum. The girl screams at Sam ‘Can i fucking smoke in this flat?’ And i don’t really know what else happened.. we couldn’t remember the girls name, (i think it was tracey or something) so we started calling her Nicola, Fiona, and we progressed from that to stuff like Falafel and Chorizo Sausage, and then just got to like ‘You fuckin Ned’.
Saturday – woke up in the morning to Liam walking around all dressed up in a shirt. He had gone to work a week early. Lounged about there for a while, Caitlin brought me some iron bru. We listened to lots of Stalks favourite tunes. Then Dark side of the moon. Walked back to the flat, struggling to put one foot in front of the other. Very shaky. By this point i had completely lost my mind. I shouldn’t be telling people this – no doubt in a few hours il have men in white suits taking me away – i got back to the flat, sat in my chair and just shook. I then started saying words to myself that made no sense, and didn’t mean anything. I then asked myself aloud ‘what the fuck am i doing talking to myself?’ Went to pick up my bass from the hive. Again, this was a real struggle. Took me fucking ages. Discovered the hoops had won 7-0! Got back, showered, put on the I pod fucking loud. This gave me a proper burst of energy, so i started running about the flat in my boxers, with my bass on playing the bass. John came round and cracked on a couple beers and some pizza. Got dressed up as Luigi, and prepared to depart for pub golf. Intercepted Aidan on the way. Made it to Biddy Mulligans on time(730) no one was there. Aidan got a pizza. Got back, and met Toggy outside. We then met Kara, Tino, Dave and various other people. Biddy Mulligans was totally full. John got us in. Went to the back and got 6 free pints of guiness. Twins arrived. Twin 1 goes to me ‘I’ve not had anything to eat today except for 4 pints’. Classic. Scorecards got handed out. I will say at this point that i decided to not play pub golf, and instead just try and drink as much stuff as possible(kindof similar to pub golf) I told everyone i had done a guiness in 1. Actually i took 1 sip of guiness. I got 28 for The cider. Par for the whole course was only 21. I wrote N/A against Carling because i couldn’t be arsed drinking one. Pub golf is fucking amazing. We only went to like 5 pubs though. Biddys, Frankensteins, Me John and Aij went to 3 sisters to pick up his wages. Almost got some free burgers. Met up with the troops at rush, stayed their for ages. By this point people were asking for photos of me etc. I was struggling to down the cider, par was 4..i was only halfway by 3. Then i forgot i was meant to down it, ended up with 28! I discovered the strategies of experienced pub golfers a move called the TC(Tactical Chunder). I don’t agree with this tactic. Although i did need a poo poo. Went up to nicol Edwards next, and discovered it was karaoke! Jamie went up first, that was pretty funny. Turns out aidans boss was working at the bar, but would she give him some money? NO! Me Tino and Dave started doing jagerbombs.. I tried to make a professional jagertrain, but i almost knocked all the jager on the floor. 3 jagers later, i had to go and sing purple rain. Both times i went on stage this weekend – i thought i was going to be sick. Is my body trying to tell me i shouldn’t do multiple jagerbombs before performing?? Again, i succeeded. Although i still needed a poo poo. Purple rain was amazing. I loved every minute of it. I still haven’t learnt the melody for the verse, but i made up for it in the chorus. The (hot) girl tried to cut me off at the start of the outro, but the chants were too strong. It went on for 3 minutes. I sang the falsetto bit perfectly(maybe), and even air drummed the offbeat bit!(which may or may not actually exist). Although i think my best move was impersonating prince’s dad from the purple rain video(by pretending i had glasses on and was small and fat!) no one knew what the fuck i was doing, so i stepped away from the song to describe what i was doing. Check the video and you will see what i mean! Various other people did various other songs, but the definite winner of it all was johns rendition of Sing for the Moment by Eminem. The place was rammed by that point, everyone was boucing like at a rap concert, john sang every word perfectly(changing the lyrics to say that he fucked a little girl) without even looking at the screen! It was immense. We then tried to leave the Nicol Edwards, this was the moment twin lost the ability to function(about 1130). He collapsed in a heap at the bottom of the stairs, and apparently alex had to carry him home! So funny. We then jumped up to the hive, using my magic card to skip the que and get free entry. Headed straight to the cocktail bar(for some reason we have made this our new home, its a bad idea cos it takes about 10 minutes to go to the toilet.) We ordered the barman to make us 6 cocktails, each of them different. The barman refused. Aij then started shouting at him about how the customer is always right bla blabla. While he was doing this i just told the barman to do what the fuck he wanted. Got these cocktails. Also at the hive we met loads of people, Fay and beth, Brough and Andy, Stalk and Hashy, Polly and Lisa, Kara Brown Hair and Claire ‘quick draw McGraw’ McGrath. I now know her surname! lots of ppl. I have no idea what happened from this point in. I think me john and aidan spent most of the night fighting each other. And trying to get other people to fight John. The funniest thing about going out with john is that whenever i’m speaking to someone he doesent know, John stands behind them mouthing to me if i want his cunt kicked in. At one point john put me in a sleeper hold, i somehow managed to reverse this and pin him on the ground. Sitting on his face. The barman came rushing over and was like ‘break it up, break it up!’ i was like were just having fun.. if i was really fighting, i wouldn’t exactly sit on his face smiling. I remember dancing a fair amount, that was good fun. Apparently Kara Brown hair and kara brown were in the toilet at the same time, and Jammy Fanny was talking about me, so kara brown hair was like ‘You know crusher? Your Kara brown?? I thought you were a myth!!’ so funny. I remember having some awesome banter with Brough, but i cant remember what it was! We left the hive and i was trying to get everyone to come back to mine(not sure why). No one was biting, so i walked most of the way back with Kara brown hair(we need a shorter name for her..is anyone up for calling her KBH??) and Claire. They were moaning about there feet being frozen blab la bla. Got back and found nick on the doorstop smoking. Went upstairs and i decided(for a reason i don’t know why) to get naked, and sleep in the hall, to give craig a suprise when he got back from work. I then decided it was too cold, so went to bed but not before sending loads of nonsensical texts!.
Sunday – Woke up at about 842 for some reason. I got a phonecall from Aidan. Turned out it wasn’t aidan, but a girl who had spoken to ‘Kara’(in a blackpool accent) and had aidans phone and could i come and pick it up. This changed my day from being a typical hungover day, to what is potentially the best end to a 3 day drinking binge ever. I watched star wars. Then went down to pick up the phone. They gave me the address, and asked for some milkshake. Fair play. I got some yazoo, and went along. A guy in an irish top let me in, and was like ‘are you crusher?’ yes, so i went through to hear at least 8 girls screaming at me ‘crusher, crushers here wooo! I went in and theres all these girls on the bed, in their pyjamas and underwear and stuff and they sing to me in perfect(ish) harmony “Macaroni, Macaroni, Macaroni, We Want a Macaroni pie”. I remember this happening in the past.. Aidan and mike did it one night or something. I though oh fuck, do these girls know me?? Have i met them before. Turned out they had just gone through Aidans videos and found it. They also sent a picture message of Dom in hospital to everyone. They were from blackpool, and had just come up for the weekend. They found aidans phone on the floor, and took it home. These girls were fucking legends. They gave me a hat sat me on the bed with them all, we took photos, sang songs. I told one of them i played in a wedding band, she was like ‘what like puppy love?’ and then sang it, before saying that people don’t sing that at weddings. We phoned aidans house and they all spoke to him on the phone. Another one asks(in a very cute accent) “crusher..is this the strangest situation you’ve ever been in?” I wish. Then the girl who lived there came through and announced that she had convinced her flatmate to serve us tea. And dress up like a butler while doing it. So at this point, the boy in the irish top comes through, with a dinner jacket on, a teatowel draped over his arm, and a tray of tea. Things are starting to get stranger... I really meant to get their number or myspace or something..they were such good banter!! And fairly hot too. Left their flat with a feeling of what the fuck just happened. Then they start shouting at me out the window ‘byee crusher’. Amazing. This completed the best weekend of my life.
Charlie and Aidan came over and we watched the football, it was a really weird game which i guess compliments the rest of the weekend. Headed up to my folks for some tea and a bath. Went to bed, and had another crazy dream about Roisin and Katy..there was a 2 headed cat involved.
Everyone involved in this weekend thankyou so much and congratulations, it was without a doubt the best collection of days i have had in fucking ages! Ranks up there with the best of them.
So its now Monday night, and my sanity is returning to me slowly but surely, a couple weeks off the booze should bring that back.
Gonna have a movie night on Friday night – so if anyones interested in saving some cash then head round for some films on Friday. I start teaching on Thursday, working Thursday, and doing some other shit. Pretty good, i don’t have to do anything real until Thursday!!
I love you all. Especially the birthday Twins and Swints.
Monday – Did some stuff in the house, went about town dropping cv’s and shit. Aidan came round later and I used my kill disk to kill his computer, and then I used my save disk to bring it back from the dead – Aidan’s computer is the son of god basically.
Tuesday – Pancake Tuesday! Fucking love this day. Got up in the morning, nick made some pancakes. I also made some bacon rolls. Fucking great. Went for an epic run. Like doubled my fucking usual difference. Chummed nick to the Uni library and printed some shit off. Went to the library and got a book about world war 2. Figuring I can’t remember how it all went down, and would be good to know! Had an Arcane Corps practise 6-8 – nice, concise, and tight as fuck. Got back to the flat and me and nick made literally fucking loads of pancakes. Like 6 eggs were used in the mix. It was a struggle to eat. Fuck. Craig got back, (we even saved him some pancakes). He casually dropped the bomb that my Metallica tickets had fallen through. 6 days to go. Absolutely fucking gutted. Not sure what I’m going to do. I then spent the next 2 days barely speaking to Craig cos I was so ragin.. I just didn’t know what to say(eh eh). Hit the hay.
Wednesday – Got up early and went about handing CV’s, also went to Johns to catch up with the lad. (this may have happened on Tuesday..) Got back, went about handing more CV’s etc. wild goose chase you know. I had the anger running through me. Totally pumped, went for a run at double the speed I normally go. It was fucking intense. Got back and watched Resident Evil with Craig and Carrie. That big mental thing, whats he called? The Tyrant or the Abominator or something. He can’t be killed.
Thursday – Woke up for work with the perfect song for my current state of mind pumping through me. The Unnamed feeling! That’s a fucking tune. Took a walk to work listening to that and All Within My Hands. St Anger has some tunes like! Got to work, and turned out we were being split into pairs for the day. 90% of the people in were old cronies, and I just couldn’t have handled a day with Bridget or someone(no offence). Stroke of luck, I got paired with Daisy. We also got put together with an actor(slightly random but all good). Our task for the day was to direct a group of 90 folk around the building, like sheep. We started at 8, and we didn’t have to do this until 1130. In that time, I drank 4 cans of coke. Showtime. Blabla, piece of piss. Just had banter with Daisy and this actor(actress). One time, over a year ago – I had a chocolate éclair that was filled with chocolate mousse. A super éclair. That has now passed into legend. There were 10 massive tables FILLED with these éclairs. I just about eat them all. We went to our room, and behold – we had some for ourselves. I spent the next 15 minutes before lunch with a massive grin on my face. Just waiting for the taste of it. Lunch came, I piled my plate high with sandwiches and bruschetta. Excellent. But then came the moment. And I swear to god, this éclair lived up to my expectation of it 100%. It was almost sexual. If you ever get the chance to even look at one, do not pass it up. I was blessed, I had 3. And this was the turning point of the week. From here on in, it becomes the best weekend of my life.
The rest of the day was fun. Nothing too interesting to report. Budget for the weekend - £20 each for Thursday/Friday £50 for pub golf Saturday. I would like to add that I cant actually afford this, but it was to be done anyway. I actually stuck to this budget. Little boots at cab vol. Went to meet Hashy, Barry and Smithy at standing order. We spent the whole time talking about T and Magaluf. “Do you remember the time...”.They fucked off to watch skins, so I went and met Claire and Karin at Advocate. Good banter had there. In time carrie, craig and Charlie arrived(btw, how many fucking names begin with C!) Claire asked me to check on the boots que. I said it was down to the corner, which she responded ‘don’t fucking lie crusher’. Went down about 11, and loan behold, the que was now round the corner, and then round another corner. Fuck that shit, lets hit the hive. We lost Charlie. Went to the hive and was surprised to find it was slightly busy(in comparison to a fortnight ago, when it was only us). In the back dancefloor, there was a partition separating the seats and floor. We sat at the seats. Went up to the DJ, who was absolutely loving it and asked for journey. He was like ‘oh yeah! Yeah!’ so we kindof assumed he would play it. Turns out he does this for any song you request. And just plays fuck all. Except he did play dizee rascal which Claire gave us a superb rendition of. We stood up at the partition, and commanded the fans. Great. Whenever the DJ went to the toilet, me and carrie jumped on the decks only to be thrown off them by the bouncer. I think me and Claire did the foxtrot or something, but we updated it to incorporate modern dance moves. I ran out of money and so resorted to minesweeping. Met joss ross towards the end, and we were dancing with loadsof folk and shit. Met these 2 french girls ‘j’mappelle maude et mart’ I’m pretty sure they were fucking minging, but we thought they could come to a party at our flat. Also Joss Ross and this hot girl he was with could come. However, word spread of this ‘Party at Polwarth’ and me and craig were like fuck it, lets run away. We walked home, forgetting Joss Ross knows where we live. He got 20 people in taxis to our stair, so when we arrived home there were 20 people in our stair making loadsof noise. We got rid of them, nick tried to punch Joss Ross. Joss Ross and the girl came in, I strapped my bass on her and was like goan just play me a cool bassline. She then called Nick a dick, to which craig responded ‘ get out my flat you stupid whore’ they were arguing and I was like ‘guys! Come on. I just want to hear one bassline!’ eventually they left. Haha. Me and craig used joint efforts to open our windows which had been shut for 2 weeks.
Friday – Got up. Had a game of Mario kart. Me and craig decided instead of the usual 8 races, we would have 32! We played the first 4 races 8 times over and over. I absolutely kicked his cunt in, so didn’t actually need to race for the last 4. Felt totally hungover and ended up doing fuck all most of the day. Luckily soundcheck was delayed by 2 hours, so got to hive for 6. Chatted to stalk and hash for an extended period of time. Stalk gave me a 2 for 1 card. Legend. I love that card. Went up with taylor and hashy to clamshell for a donner wrap. That was barry. Went back. We had our first drink at 8ish. Everyone else got like a pint or whatever. For some reason, which I cant understand – I had 2 Jagerbombs. I then watched the over bands totally shaking. I think I can probably pinpoint that as the moment I lost my mind this weekend. Necked 2 bottles of becks before going on, so while the guys were waiting to play, I was in the toilet considering whether to be sick. I declined. Played the gig. It was good. This boy who was fucked got thrown out cos he was so fucked. He totally planted himself into the wall. He then bumped into this guy, who grabbed his throat and through him through the side of the stage. A bit out of order, he was only having fun. For the end of our last song, I took my strap off and held my bass up in the air. Fucking epic. After the gig, just kept hammering the drinks down. Sat in the cocktail lounge. After a while, Sam, Caitlin, Mike, Aidan, John showed up, loads of folks showed up. Funny story happened with me and sam, but I cant repeat it here because people might get offended or whatever. Involved a fit girl but I’m not saying who. We all just got totally goosed. John was in a totally aggressive mode. So I spent from about 2-3 following him around being like ‘leave him alone john, don’t fight him, he’s not done anything’ blab la. I hardly remember speaking to Aij, but I remember him being a cunt. He apparently whispered to some random guy ‘If you ever come near me again, I’ll throw your face through that fucking wall’(the wall which was about 10 metres away). So funny. I also remember having some banter with mike, but I also remember him being a twat. At the end, me and him broke into the hotel opposite the hive, and were gonna steal a trolley of dancefloor pieces. In the end, we just took the tools used to screw them in(essentially screwdrivers) and had a duel with them. John phoned up cappadoccia, and we went and got some kebab. Via John trying to fight everyone he walked past. Spent like 30mins in Cappadoccia, just shaking the guys hands. Standing outside eating our pizza, these 2 irish guys came up and were like ‘what you got on your pizza, margarita, that’s pretty boring’ I was like na its pepperoni. They were like ‘theres no pepperonis on it’, its inside pepperoni. John thought they were trying to eat my pizza, so he goes ‘If you touch his pizza I’l break your fucking nose’ the boys mate goes ‘if you break his fucking nose I’l break your fucking nose’ so Im like ‘if you break his fucking nose I’l break your fucking nose’. Hashy then walks past and I’m like if you break hashys fucking nose then were all fucked. So the guys go away, but as their leaving one of them turns round and shouts to john ‘I fucked your mum’. John then gives me his kebab, fanta and jacket, and chases after the boy. He chased him from greyfriars bobby to marchmont. All the way across the meadows. So funny. We finally caught him and were walking up to hashy’s when a guy walks past us in the opposite direction. John looks at him and goes ‘THAT’S FUCKING HIM!’ the boy screams ‘I’m sorry!’ and sprints off. That was so funny. Walking up to hashys, and we see a girl sitting In a doorway. We were like ‘Are you homeless?’ ‘na, im just waiting for someone’. At 4 in the morning? You daft bitch, come to our house. She was like ‘na fuck off’(also she was a complete bam). So we started walking away. She gets up and calls ‘guys, don’t leave me!’ so she comes up with us. Sittin with her in the flat. Shes like ‘so which ones your room?’ umm.. i sleep in the kitchen. We drank loadsof sam’s mount gay rum. The girl screams at Sam ‘Can i fucking smoke in this flat?’ And i don’t really know what else happened.. we couldn’t remember the girls name, (i think it was tracey or something) so we started calling her Nicola, Fiona, and we progressed from that to stuff like Falafel and Chorizo Sausage, and then just got to like ‘You fuckin Ned’.
Saturday – woke up in the morning to Liam walking around all dressed up in a shirt. He had gone to work a week early. Lounged about there for a while, Caitlin brought me some iron bru. We listened to lots of Stalks favourite tunes. Then Dark side of the moon. Walked back to the flat, struggling to put one foot in front of the other. Very shaky. By this point i had completely lost my mind. I shouldn’t be telling people this – no doubt in a few hours il have men in white suits taking me away – i got back to the flat, sat in my chair and just shook. I then started saying words to myself that made no sense, and didn’t mean anything. I then asked myself aloud ‘what the fuck am i doing talking to myself?’ Went to pick up my bass from the hive. Again, this was a real struggle. Took me fucking ages. Discovered the hoops had won 7-0! Got back, showered, put on the I pod fucking loud. This gave me a proper burst of energy, so i started running about the flat in my boxers, with my bass on playing the bass. John came round and cracked on a couple beers and some pizza. Got dressed up as Luigi, and prepared to depart for pub golf. Intercepted Aidan on the way. Made it to Biddy Mulligans on time(730) no one was there. Aidan got a pizza. Got back, and met Toggy outside. We then met Kara, Tino, Dave and various other people. Biddy Mulligans was totally full. John got us in. Went to the back and got 6 free pints of guiness. Twins arrived. Twin 1 goes to me ‘I’ve not had anything to eat today except for 4 pints’. Classic. Scorecards got handed out. I will say at this point that i decided to not play pub golf, and instead just try and drink as much stuff as possible(kindof similar to pub golf) I told everyone i had done a guiness in 1. Actually i took 1 sip of guiness. I got 28 for The cider. Par for the whole course was only 21. I wrote N/A against Carling because i couldn’t be arsed drinking one. Pub golf is fucking amazing. We only went to like 5 pubs though. Biddys, Frankensteins, Me John and Aij went to 3 sisters to pick up his wages. Almost got some free burgers. Met up with the troops at rush, stayed their for ages. By this point people were asking for photos of me etc. I was struggling to down the cider, par was 4..i was only halfway by 3. Then i forgot i was meant to down it, ended up with 28! I discovered the strategies of experienced pub golfers a move called the TC(Tactical Chunder). I don’t agree with this tactic. Although i did need a poo poo. Went up to nicol Edwards next, and discovered it was karaoke! Jamie went up first, that was pretty funny. Turns out aidans boss was working at the bar, but would she give him some money? NO! Me Tino and Dave started doing jagerbombs.. I tried to make a professional jagertrain, but i almost knocked all the jager on the floor. 3 jagers later, i had to go and sing purple rain. Both times i went on stage this weekend – i thought i was going to be sick. Is my body trying to tell me i shouldn’t do multiple jagerbombs before performing?? Again, i succeeded. Although i still needed a poo poo. Purple rain was amazing. I loved every minute of it. I still haven’t learnt the melody for the verse, but i made up for it in the chorus. The (hot) girl tried to cut me off at the start of the outro, but the chants were too strong. It went on for 3 minutes. I sang the falsetto bit perfectly(maybe), and even air drummed the offbeat bit!(which may or may not actually exist). Although i think my best move was impersonating prince’s dad from the purple rain video(by pretending i had glasses on and was small and fat!) no one knew what the fuck i was doing, so i stepped away from the song to describe what i was doing. Check the video and you will see what i mean! Various other people did various other songs, but the definite winner of it all was johns rendition of Sing for the Moment by Eminem. The place was rammed by that point, everyone was boucing like at a rap concert, john sang every word perfectly(changing the lyrics to say that he fucked a little girl) without even looking at the screen! It was immense. We then tried to leave the Nicol Edwards, this was the moment twin lost the ability to function(about 1130). He collapsed in a heap at the bottom of the stairs, and apparently alex had to carry him home! So funny. We then jumped up to the hive, using my magic card to skip the que and get free entry. Headed straight to the cocktail bar(for some reason we have made this our new home, its a bad idea cos it takes about 10 minutes to go to the toilet.) We ordered the barman to make us 6 cocktails, each of them different. The barman refused. Aij then started shouting at him about how the customer is always right bla blabla. While he was doing this i just told the barman to do what the fuck he wanted. Got these cocktails. Also at the hive we met loads of people, Fay and beth, Brough and Andy, Stalk and Hashy, Polly and Lisa, Kara Brown Hair and Claire ‘quick draw McGraw’ McGrath. I now know her surname! lots of ppl. I have no idea what happened from this point in. I think me john and aidan spent most of the night fighting each other. And trying to get other people to fight John. The funniest thing about going out with john is that whenever i’m speaking to someone he doesent know, John stands behind them mouthing to me if i want his cunt kicked in. At one point john put me in a sleeper hold, i somehow managed to reverse this and pin him on the ground. Sitting on his face. The barman came rushing over and was like ‘break it up, break it up!’ i was like were just having fun.. if i was really fighting, i wouldn’t exactly sit on his face smiling. I remember dancing a fair amount, that was good fun. Apparently Kara Brown hair and kara brown were in the toilet at the same time, and Jammy Fanny was talking about me, so kara brown hair was like ‘You know crusher? Your Kara brown?? I thought you were a myth!!’ so funny. I remember having some awesome banter with Brough, but i cant remember what it was! We left the hive and i was trying to get everyone to come back to mine(not sure why). No one was biting, so i walked most of the way back with Kara brown hair(we need a shorter name for her..is anyone up for calling her KBH??) and Claire. They were moaning about there feet being frozen blab la bla. Got back and found nick on the doorstop smoking. Went upstairs and i decided(for a reason i don’t know why) to get naked, and sleep in the hall, to give craig a suprise when he got back from work. I then decided it was too cold, so went to bed but not before sending loads of nonsensical texts!.
Sunday – Woke up at about 842 for some reason. I got a phonecall from Aidan. Turned out it wasn’t aidan, but a girl who had spoken to ‘Kara’(in a blackpool accent) and had aidans phone and could i come and pick it up. This changed my day from being a typical hungover day, to what is potentially the best end to a 3 day drinking binge ever. I watched star wars. Then went down to pick up the phone. They gave me the address, and asked for some milkshake. Fair play. I got some yazoo, and went along. A guy in an irish top let me in, and was like ‘are you crusher?’ yes, so i went through to hear at least 8 girls screaming at me ‘crusher, crushers here wooo! I went in and theres all these girls on the bed, in their pyjamas and underwear and stuff and they sing to me in perfect(ish) harmony “Macaroni, Macaroni, Macaroni, We Want a Macaroni pie”. I remember this happening in the past.. Aidan and mike did it one night or something. I though oh fuck, do these girls know me?? Have i met them before. Turned out they had just gone through Aidans videos and found it. They also sent a picture message of Dom in hospital to everyone. They were from blackpool, and had just come up for the weekend. They found aidans phone on the floor, and took it home. These girls were fucking legends. They gave me a hat sat me on the bed with them all, we took photos, sang songs. I told one of them i played in a wedding band, she was like ‘what like puppy love?’ and then sang it, before saying that people don’t sing that at weddings. We phoned aidans house and they all spoke to him on the phone. Another one asks(in a very cute accent) “crusher..is this the strangest situation you’ve ever been in?” I wish. Then the girl who lived there came through and announced that she had convinced her flatmate to serve us tea. And dress up like a butler while doing it. So at this point, the boy in the irish top comes through, with a dinner jacket on, a teatowel draped over his arm, and a tray of tea. Things are starting to get stranger... I really meant to get their number or myspace or something..they were such good banter!! And fairly hot too. Left their flat with a feeling of what the fuck just happened. Then they start shouting at me out the window ‘byee crusher’. Amazing. This completed the best weekend of my life.
Charlie and Aidan came over and we watched the football, it was a really weird game which i guess compliments the rest of the weekend. Headed up to my folks for some tea and a bath. Went to bed, and had another crazy dream about Roisin and Katy..there was a 2 headed cat involved.
Everyone involved in this weekend thankyou so much and congratulations, it was without a doubt the best collection of days i have had in fucking ages! Ranks up there with the best of them.
So its now Monday night, and my sanity is returning to me slowly but surely, a couple weeks off the booze should bring that back.
Gonna have a movie night on Friday night – so if anyones interested in saving some cash then head round for some films on Friday. I start teaching on Thursday, working Thursday, and doing some other shit. Pretty good, i don’t have to do anything real until Thursday!!
I love you all. Especially the birthday Twins and Swints.
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