Day 4 – Monday – Got up, it was pretty cracking to have an en-suite bathroom and no queue for a shower. Just like being at home(almost). Dumped our stuff with the man downstairs and headed in search for some food. The heat was mental, almost unbearable. We found a café in a square… they told us all they could make was ham and cheese sandwiches, or French omelette's. Strange. It turned out to be fucking expensive too. We were off to Gibraltar today. I’m not sure how much anyone knows about Gibraltar, so I shall briefly explain(wrongly). It was in the hands of the Arabs until 1314 When 1000 Spaniards led by a shepherd attacked and claimed it. At some stage, it was awarded to Britain in some form of treaty. It is currently British.
We went through passport control, walked for a minute or so then came across a sign saying ‘Danger, Live Runway. Please Cross Quickly’. There is a set of traffic lights, and a barrier. Just after we had crossed, the barrier came down and a plane landed. Its pretty mental like. Not the best place to be an amber gambler. We found a petrol station and it sold Irn Bru!! Fucking awesome because we had been craving it. (oh I forgot to mention, we had been trying to describe Irn Bru to the Australians a couple days before…It’s impossible.. Anyone have a good word? Phenomenal) Got into the town, and it is essentially like Disneyland, if Disneyland had a Britain themed area. It feels like were in Spain..but theres english pubs, Marks and Spencers, The money is Pounds. Its so weird. There is also no tax, so you can get like a litre bottle of vodka for like £5. Pretty cool. It’s a twisted place tho. It has a very strange feel to it. The main reason we were going was for the rock. You get a cable car up. There was a few people offering us Bus tours for like 20 euros. They would drive us up and show us all the sights. They told us the cable car was 20 euros in itself. Fuck it, we wanna get a cable car. Turns out they had been trying to scam us, the cable car was only about 6 euros. Or sorry. £6. I forgot they use pounds. It wasn’t that high up, no higher than the pentland hills(which I cant actually see as I look out the window right now..its so misty! Why am I not in spain), but it was a lot steeper. Like very steep. And it just sits on its own. Aidan and Craig shat themselves in the cable car. It was awesome. As soon as the car reached the top there was a monkey hanging off the edge. Absolutely mental, I have never seen a monkey before. They are awesome.
A primatologist gave us some information about the monkeys - They are not tame, they tolerate humans. Do not touch. They were so cool! We set off for a walk. We walked past the bus tour -the guide of which was asking everyone if they wanted a photo with the monkey sitting on them(obviously not a primatologist). We just about got killed by the monkeys when we walked past. A couple of them had baby monkeys hanging round their necks(they were about the size of a wii remote). Brilliant.
We climbed up some steps to what we thought was the highest point(not quite, but it was still pretty high), from there we could see Africa. There were lions and elephants and stuff roaming about the shores. We found a wall, directly over the wall was a sheer drop down to the beach. Apparently a Spanish shepherd led 500 Soldiers up it to attack the Arabs. Mental. It's hard to describe, but it was pretty close to being a vertical wall. There was this huge black guy walking about with a baby house on his back. In that heat it was ridiculous. We asked them where the caves were or something. The daughter was not in a good mood.
We found the Caves, but to get to them we had to run past a wasps nest. Not easy.
The caves were breathtaking. 7ooft deep apparently. Absolutely brilliant. They have a stage for gigs and stuff. We are gonna do a gig there one day. It will be billed as 'The Hardest Gig to get to ever!'. People having to get a cable car up haha. It would be epic though. We got some lunch in the cave cafe. I think I had like pasta salad or something. We headed back along and I cant remember what else we did. Time wasnt on our side, so we got the cable car down. Aidans ticket blew away in the wind. Fuck. I convinced the guy to let us on. Just as the cable car pulled up, a monkey pushed his friend in front of the cable car. Slightly risky. Its only a joke if both people are laughing. Cheeky monkeys! Trying to kill their friends. Monkeys are fucking awesome!
We headed back across the runway. Back to La Linea de la Conception. We did look into getting a ferry to Africa, but it was just going to complicate things so we decided against it.
Craig and Aidan got it stuck in their head that they had to do some Laundry. So we spent ages walking about looking for a Laundrette. Got some bread, Ham and Cheese for our tea. Like fucking hundreds of it. Made them, and ate them in the Hotel. We attempted to play cards, but realised we didn't know how to play any card games. We played a very strange version of shithead. We had half of the rules, but we just didn't play it right. Went to bed pretty shortly after that. I switched the fan off, i think at some stage Craig switched it on again(to be fair it was fucking hot). I couldn't sleep cos of the noise of the fan, so after a while I was like fuck it and switched it off. So fucking hot though. at some stage throughout the night some guy was in the street screaming 'YO! YO MAN!' for fucking ages. It was funny though. My one regret of the day...We didn't swim with any dolphins.
Tomorrow - Up early doors for a bus to Sevilla. Day in Sevilla - We have no idea what there is to do in Sevilla! Game on.
Monday 29 June 2009
Friday 26 June 2009
Hive On Tour: I Love Water
Day 3 – Sunday –
Crazy thought just before going to bed at 7am.. I’ll set my alarm for 8.30. Stupid and of course I never heard it. Woke up at like 10.30 in my nappy. We all started showering. I went in and was like what the fuck. The strangest shower I have ever seen. It had your typical shower head, another bigger head that pointed down, and 6 nozzles that pointed out. There was a knob that you could use to pick which of the nozzles you used, but it made no sense. That could have made for the ultimate shower bath, but it was in a tiny cubicle. So strange. I came out and asked the room if anyone found the shower completely confusing ‘na mate(in an aussie accent), it was just a shower’. They then pointed out that on the door to the one I used, there was a sign saying ‘DO NOT USE’ oops. As I came out of the shower the girl shouted something Spanish and pointed at the sign that said check out was 11. Oops. Aidan still had to shower, so It was almost 12 by the time we left. Just dropped our keys and ran. Good effort.
We were off to Aqua Land!
Made our way to the bus station and spent ages trying to figure out which bus we had to get, and where we had to get it to. Etc. Some spanish man helped us. Got on the bus, which was jam packed and so we had to stand in the aisle with all our bags. It meant that a lot of jumping and squishing and just general maneuvering had to be done whenever anyone wanted to get off the bus. This hot bird just laughed at us. We got off the bus and got some pizza. La Quenta. Good pizza. After that we asked a taxi driver to take us to Aqua Land.. he just laughed. A bad sign..haha. We got there, and it turns out we had read our flyer wrong(it had 9euros plastered all over the front of it), it wasnt 9 euros each..it was actually 20. Made no sense, but whatever, we were there. We asked the woman if there was somewhere we could store our bags(and we clearly pointed to our bag(quite big), she said yes of course. We found the lockers and they were fucking tiny. Like they could barely hold a football. We spoke with someone else, who told us to wait, and we spoke to the manager who kindly let us keep our bags in his office.
This place was exactly what we needed. Massive slides, loadsof girls in bikinis - excellent. The first slide we went on was pretty standard - 4 slides that go down together. Pretty good fun. A wee boy before me did a complete spin. It was awesome. I tried it and hit my head. Next me and Aidan did this half pipe thing where we sat in a dingy. It was so fucking scary, I thought I was gonna go over the edge, or fall out of the dingy. It was pretty cool tho. All the life guards here are super hot. The one for that ride was dressed like tomb raider. (Womb raider haha..so immature). I think next we went on this one called the black hole which was pretty awesome. Next was Kamikaze... The name says it all. You spend like 30mins climbing the stairs, and you can see africa from the top. They call it a slide, but you essentially freefall with your arse lightly touching some plastic. Its fucking awesome, I'm pretty confident That is the fastest I've ever travelled(this is the biggest I've ever been). I just about took off. In complete contrast to that, the next one had a massive que, and was utterly shit. I literally had to push myself along for three quarters of it. Near the end there was a big dip and I managed to get enough momentum to go the rest of the way. I have never laughed so hard as when Aidan came round the final corner and into view of me, still pushing himself along. He actually stopped dead just before the end and just jumped off into the water. So shit, but so funny. The last one we went on was so funny but awesome. You basically sat in a rubber ring and went down all these poofy slides. Kindof like what water rafting(what water rafting? WHITE WATER RAFTING!) except less intense. We acted like Idiots so the hot life guards could save us. I splashed one with water. They were not up for banter! Went into a cold jacuzzi which sprayed water on my face. It was so confusing. We decided to call it a day after one more shot on the Kamikaze. Went to pick up our bags, the manager was not impressed with us dripping water all over his office(but to be fair, what the fuck did he expect!) Walked to the bus station, picked up an Ice Cream(I SCREAM!) which was fucking cracking. Got the bus to La Linea De La Contraception. Craig had the worst bus Journey ever because some bitch had leant her seat back meaning craig had no room whatsoever. I, on the other hand, had a fucking awesome journey, because this Girl was fucking stunning, and her leaning back gave me an absolutely cracking view. At some stage she turned round and smiled at me, before stretching her arms and breathing heavily. I was tempted to ask her to marry me. So hot. We got off the bus at like 1130pm, having not even looked at hostels. Thats what happens when you're hungover. We made our way into town, trying to ask random people where to find a hostel. The first 3 people we asked ignored us completely. Quite strange. Eventually someone helped us, and we found A hostal. Interesting fact, the word 'Hostal' in spain, is equivalent to a bed and breakfast here. So we had private twin rooms(it worked out about 20 euros each), with ensuite bathrooms. This was exactly what we needed. Fucking great. There was a restaurant next door with a menu of the day. I had some Paella(not bad, although there was no way I was eating that shrimp..it had eyes!), followed by a Steak(slightly bland, no sauce..but it was decent). After that we went straight to bed. Pretty good to get a good nights sleep, Even if it was slightly hot(or roasting!)
Tomorrow - We visit Gibraltar, Monkeys, Caves and Britain.
Crazy thought just before going to bed at 7am.. I’ll set my alarm for 8.30. Stupid and of course I never heard it. Woke up at like 10.30 in my nappy. We all started showering. I went in and was like what the fuck. The strangest shower I have ever seen. It had your typical shower head, another bigger head that pointed down, and 6 nozzles that pointed out. There was a knob that you could use to pick which of the nozzles you used, but it made no sense. That could have made for the ultimate shower bath, but it was in a tiny cubicle. So strange. I came out and asked the room if anyone found the shower completely confusing ‘na mate(in an aussie accent), it was just a shower’. They then pointed out that on the door to the one I used, there was a sign saying ‘DO NOT USE’ oops. As I came out of the shower the girl shouted something Spanish and pointed at the sign that said check out was 11. Oops. Aidan still had to shower, so It was almost 12 by the time we left. Just dropped our keys and ran. Good effort.
We were off to Aqua Land!
Made our way to the bus station and spent ages trying to figure out which bus we had to get, and where we had to get it to. Etc. Some spanish man helped us. Got on the bus, which was jam packed and so we had to stand in the aisle with all our bags. It meant that a lot of jumping and squishing and just general maneuvering had to be done whenever anyone wanted to get off the bus. This hot bird just laughed at us. We got off the bus and got some pizza. La Quenta. Good pizza. After that we asked a taxi driver to take us to Aqua Land.. he just laughed. A bad sign..haha. We got there, and it turns out we had read our flyer wrong(it had 9euros plastered all over the front of it), it wasnt 9 euros each..it was actually 20. Made no sense, but whatever, we were there. We asked the woman if there was somewhere we could store our bags(and we clearly pointed to our bag(quite big), she said yes of course. We found the lockers and they were fucking tiny. Like they could barely hold a football. We spoke with someone else, who told us to wait, and we spoke to the manager who kindly let us keep our bags in his office.
This place was exactly what we needed. Massive slides, loadsof girls in bikinis - excellent. The first slide we went on was pretty standard - 4 slides that go down together. Pretty good fun. A wee boy before me did a complete spin. It was awesome. I tried it and hit my head. Next me and Aidan did this half pipe thing where we sat in a dingy. It was so fucking scary, I thought I was gonna go over the edge, or fall out of the dingy. It was pretty cool tho. All the life guards here are super hot. The one for that ride was dressed like tomb raider. (Womb raider haha..so immature). I think next we went on this one called the black hole which was pretty awesome. Next was Kamikaze... The name says it all. You spend like 30mins climbing the stairs, and you can see africa from the top. They call it a slide, but you essentially freefall with your arse lightly touching some plastic. Its fucking awesome, I'm pretty confident That is the fastest I've ever travelled(this is the biggest I've ever been). I just about took off. In complete contrast to that, the next one had a massive que, and was utterly shit. I literally had to push myself along for three quarters of it. Near the end there was a big dip and I managed to get enough momentum to go the rest of the way. I have never laughed so hard as when Aidan came round the final corner and into view of me, still pushing himself along. He actually stopped dead just before the end and just jumped off into the water. So shit, but so funny. The last one we went on was so funny but awesome. You basically sat in a rubber ring and went down all these poofy slides. Kindof like what water rafting(what water rafting? WHITE WATER RAFTING!) except less intense. We acted like Idiots so the hot life guards could save us. I splashed one with water. They were not up for banter! Went into a cold jacuzzi which sprayed water on my face. It was so confusing. We decided to call it a day after one more shot on the Kamikaze. Went to pick up our bags, the manager was not impressed with us dripping water all over his office(but to be fair, what the fuck did he expect!) Walked to the bus station, picked up an Ice Cream(I SCREAM!) which was fucking cracking. Got the bus to La Linea De La Contraception. Craig had the worst bus Journey ever because some bitch had leant her seat back meaning craig had no room whatsoever. I, on the other hand, had a fucking awesome journey, because this Girl was fucking stunning, and her leaning back gave me an absolutely cracking view. At some stage she turned round and smiled at me, before stretching her arms and breathing heavily. I was tempted to ask her to marry me. So hot. We got off the bus at like 1130pm, having not even looked at hostels. Thats what happens when you're hungover. We made our way into town, trying to ask random people where to find a hostel. The first 3 people we asked ignored us completely. Quite strange. Eventually someone helped us, and we found A hostal. Interesting fact, the word 'Hostal' in spain, is equivalent to a bed and breakfast here. So we had private twin rooms(it worked out about 20 euros each), with ensuite bathrooms. This was exactly what we needed. Fucking great. There was a restaurant next door with a menu of the day. I had some Paella(not bad, although there was no way I was eating that shrimp..it had eyes!), followed by a Steak(slightly bland, no sauce..but it was decent). After that we went straight to bed. Pretty good to get a good nights sleep, Even if it was slightly hot(or roasting!)
Tomorrow - We visit Gibraltar, Monkeys, Caves and Britain.
Thursday 25 June 2009
Hive on Tour:For I Am The Lady of Louisiana!
Day two – Saturday – We decided to stay another night in Malaga.. cos it was pretty cool. Unfortunately Maximo Park could not give us a room. Fuck. This is where the stress of our holiday started – we never booked anywhere more than 12 hours ahead. Bad thinking really, but that was the way it worked. Maximo looked after our bags.. we surfed the net, found a decent looking hostel – then headed out in search for it. It was so hot. Unbelievable. On the way across some weird woman tried to give me a fern, I refused but aidan used his master translation skills to tell me it was a gift. She then read my fortune and made me give her 5 euros. She wanted 10 so I think im cursed forever. Stupid cunt, I was ready to fight her. Got to the address of the hostel, and found that it was just an office block.. what the fuck. I’m not quite sure how it worked out, but basically we walked back to our hostel, picked up our bags and got to this ‘office block’.. stood outside for a while.. This was still pretty early, cant have been much past 1pm. We eventually saw a ‘youth’ go in, so we followed them up to the 6th floor where it turned out the hostel was...weird. Game on though. Beach time. Apparently the beach was a 900m walk. 900m my arse. It took us about 1hr to walk there. We were hungry by this time, so went to burger king and got a long chicken. We ate outside.. could barely see anything it was so bright, and the tables were metal. Hit the beach. It was pretty awesome, although the water was absolutely freezing.. I cant believe I expected it to be hot haha. Still brilliant. I got sunburnt to fuck. It was awesome. We stayed there till like 8 at night. I have no idea where all the time goes. Got back, had a quick snooze.
There was 2 aussies in our room who were like ‘a couple beers tonight mate?’ game on. We went to the supermarket and got shed loads of food. This hostel provided free pasta. Beer was cheap as fuck in the supermarket. 4 cooks would definitely spoil the broth, so I cracked open a beer and started to write my blog. 3 times the fucking power cut out, each time it was because Aidan switched the kettle on. I gave up, I was like fuck this – I will do it when I get back. The Aussies were bemused as to how i got away with sitting on a computer while the others slaved over a hot stove. Too many cooks spoil the broth, and I do not want any form of broth spoiled. Anyway, I cut up the bread. We had fuck loads of carbonara. Seriously, everyone was so impressed. There was this American girl there too. Potentially the only girl in the hostel(until a French Canadian appeared). The aussie boys were up for partying so we decided to act like Scottish twats. Drank some cheap beer, some cheap vodka, mixed vodka, beer and wine in a pan that had recently contained carbonara(and still a mushroom) aidan won the challenge(whatever that challenge may have been). The power went off again, the guy at the hostel said it was the air conditioning, even tho it always tripped whenever someone switched the kettle on... Eventually we left. There was also a couple from Guadalahara(I think...) We thought the Hostel worked(Australian) was getting rid of us because of the noise – it turns out he just wanted to come out and get fucked with us. We ran down the 6 flights of stairs in the pitch black with the Australians, Andy managed to hide a corner and scare the shit out of aidan..brillaint. We met like 20 people from another hostel at our door. A Columbian, 2 canadians(hot), Some Spanish American irish from Louisiana(ask aidan for their accent, it was fucking brilliant – Sounded American, except random words would come out thick irish...awesome), a couple from Birmingham and a Weegie. I think that was it. We decided to be proper Scottish bastards all night. Went into an offie for a bottle of vodka, the Columbian said he wanted a bottle of whisky too. We come out with a litre of vodka...he came out with a 50ml miniature Jack Daniels. I have never laughed so much. Good lad tho, I believe he was called Maurice, or quite possibly something else like Horacio. He was sound. He told me about his mushroom trips he had had in the past. Oh I forgot to mention, the green man in spain actually runs. And theres a countdown timer. It’s the best thing in the world. Except it doesent mean anything, the drivers go through red lights all the time. Its very strange. We went to the same place as we had been the night before, except this time we were speaking to people!(we would occasionally smile at each other and exclaim excitedly ‘we’re speaking to people!’) haha. The Louisiana folk asked me to sing them a Scottish song, I sang them Loch Lomond(the Glaswegian said that wasn’t a real Scottish song..whatever, go fuck yourself mate). He then recited a rabbie burns poem...that may be Scottish, but your a fucking geek mate. In return, I made the girl sing me ‘The Lady From Louisiana’, which she didn’t know. After I while I realised it wasn’t a song, but the name of a train in a book I read. So I got her to pretend to be a train. Good effort. We sang lots of Scottish songs. ‘HERE WE, HERE WE, HERE WE FUCKING Go!’. We also made a lot of exaggerations about Scotland. Such as when the sun comes out people stop working and go and lie in the sun(kindof true i guess... I do it...). Talking to the Candians about Ice Hockey, and their use of Ehye(whatever, I don’t know how they spell it). I basically spent the rest of the night talking in a Canadian accent. I told them about our Ice Hockey team called the HIVE HITMEN, and they said they could hook us up with a tour if we came to Canada. I made my vodka a touch too strong, prompting me to put the puke in the post. It got lost at the post office, luckily. There was a big pirate ship in the water(somalian pirates with their Skull and Crossbones-is that what its called?), we tried to commandeer the ship but to no avail.
We headed for a club, on the way I played a Columbian at invisible basketball, he kicked my cunt in. It started properly raining, but the rain was so hot. The American guy was running and sliding for miles, Aidan Tried it 3 times and fell on the floor 3 times. Brilliant. It seems Malagans are particularly fond of Prince, and they have a massive monument to him in their town centre. We sang Purple Rain to him. I got chatting to the French Canadian, I may have in there, but she was a bit weird so I was unsure. She told me 3 phrases to say when I met a French girl, slightly forward(and they don’t really work) 1-Hello, you are beautiful. 2 – cant remember..oops. 3-would you like to sleep with me? She told me it would result in me getting touched...but she never said whether it would be in a good way. Dom occasionally came up and added ‘je suis tres fatigue aujourdui’. We made it to the club, but it was too expensive so we went to COOL – where we had been the night before – It was not bad, a bit too expensive so I got a litre of beer and milked it forever. In the whole place(maybe the size of opium’s downstairs-but very busy) they only had 1 toilet. As in 1 cubicle. My house has more than that. Me and Craig did some sword fighting in the toilet to combat the queues. Bit messy, and the Spanish in the queue behind us were a bit like what the fuck. SCOTTISH BASTARDS. Aidan used his Spanish to speak to some guy, who gave him 2 90% shots. Aidan became pretty fucked(or was already pretty fucked). That place was pretty shit, so we left. I met some welsh guy outside who was trying to convince me to double team someone with him. Slightly strange. The Columbian took us all back to his hostel(he worked there, and most people lived there). It took us ages, I sang ‘take it easy’ with the Canadian girl, pretty much the whole way back. She was a bit of banter, but went to her bed once we got back to the hostel. We took the bus back, I stood on the hinge of the bus, fucking weird and slightly tricky when your pished. Got back to the hostel and had a beer. Canadian went to bed...poor show! Spent most of the time in there chatting with the French Canadian. I didn’t really have much of a clue what she was talking about to be honest. She was a vet and had to save a tiger with two heads.. she was pretty cool, but I have no idea what she was on about. We listened to some rage. Aidan jumped on a stool and went right through it, I have never seen anything so funny. He eventually fell asleep. Irish American made some Chorizo and scrambled egg. Pretty tasty. Except I am not a fan of Chorizo. Still chatting away absolute shite. Started speaking to our hostel man about transformers and other nostalgic childhood stuff, he was a bit older than me...so I wasn’t really sure what he was on about half the time. Eventually it was time to go home. Woke Aidan up... kind of. He got up and started walking like a robot. He walked like he knew where he was going, but he had no idea. He wouldn’t look at any of us. He just kept walking. I had to get him to wait for our guide, the only way I could do this was by standing in front of him and saying random Spanish sounding words and making gestures for him to slow down. It worked. Still he kept walking, with me just behind him to make sure he didn’t walk infront of a car or anything. He pissed against a wall and just kept walking. After about 30 mins he turned to me and said ‘I’m sorry’. And that was him back awake, still totally fucked, but we could talk to him now. Our Australian guide jumped on a traffic come which just caved in on him, so he started complaining that they should be made much stronger than that – oh yeah...im sure that the ability to support the weight of a fully grown man is high in their list of priorities when designing traffic cones. Made it back to the hostel and went to bed. Craig was their too. Me and Dom went to the toilet when we got in. Apparently Craig asked Aidan where we were and he said ‘I have no fucking idea’. I got in and I was afraid I would expose myself to someone so I made a nappy out of my bed sheet. Fell asleep. Pretty good. So fucked.
Tomorrow – Water park! Can’t wait!(i know it has already happened!)
There was 2 aussies in our room who were like ‘a couple beers tonight mate?’ game on. We went to the supermarket and got shed loads of food. This hostel provided free pasta. Beer was cheap as fuck in the supermarket. 4 cooks would definitely spoil the broth, so I cracked open a beer and started to write my blog. 3 times the fucking power cut out, each time it was because Aidan switched the kettle on. I gave up, I was like fuck this – I will do it when I get back. The Aussies were bemused as to how i got away with sitting on a computer while the others slaved over a hot stove. Too many cooks spoil the broth, and I do not want any form of broth spoiled. Anyway, I cut up the bread. We had fuck loads of carbonara. Seriously, everyone was so impressed. There was this American girl there too. Potentially the only girl in the hostel(until a French Canadian appeared). The aussie boys were up for partying so we decided to act like Scottish twats. Drank some cheap beer, some cheap vodka, mixed vodka, beer and wine in a pan that had recently contained carbonara(and still a mushroom) aidan won the challenge(whatever that challenge may have been). The power went off again, the guy at the hostel said it was the air conditioning, even tho it always tripped whenever someone switched the kettle on... Eventually we left. There was also a couple from Guadalahara(I think...) We thought the Hostel worked(Australian) was getting rid of us because of the noise – it turns out he just wanted to come out and get fucked with us. We ran down the 6 flights of stairs in the pitch black with the Australians, Andy managed to hide a corner and scare the shit out of aidan..brillaint. We met like 20 people from another hostel at our door. A Columbian, 2 canadians(hot), Some Spanish American irish from Louisiana(ask aidan for their accent, it was fucking brilliant – Sounded American, except random words would come out thick irish...awesome), a couple from Birmingham and a Weegie. I think that was it. We decided to be proper Scottish bastards all night. Went into an offie for a bottle of vodka, the Columbian said he wanted a bottle of whisky too. We come out with a litre of vodka...he came out with a 50ml miniature Jack Daniels. I have never laughed so much. Good lad tho, I believe he was called Maurice, or quite possibly something else like Horacio. He was sound. He told me about his mushroom trips he had had in the past. Oh I forgot to mention, the green man in spain actually runs. And theres a countdown timer. It’s the best thing in the world. Except it doesent mean anything, the drivers go through red lights all the time. Its very strange. We went to the same place as we had been the night before, except this time we were speaking to people!(we would occasionally smile at each other and exclaim excitedly ‘we’re speaking to people!’) haha. The Louisiana folk asked me to sing them a Scottish song, I sang them Loch Lomond(the Glaswegian said that wasn’t a real Scottish song..whatever, go fuck yourself mate). He then recited a rabbie burns poem...that may be Scottish, but your a fucking geek mate. In return, I made the girl sing me ‘The Lady From Louisiana’, which she didn’t know. After I while I realised it wasn’t a song, but the name of a train in a book I read. So I got her to pretend to be a train. Good effort. We sang lots of Scottish songs. ‘HERE WE, HERE WE, HERE WE FUCKING Go!’. We also made a lot of exaggerations about Scotland. Such as when the sun comes out people stop working and go and lie in the sun(kindof true i guess... I do it...). Talking to the Candians about Ice Hockey, and their use of Ehye(whatever, I don’t know how they spell it). I basically spent the rest of the night talking in a Canadian accent. I told them about our Ice Hockey team called the HIVE HITMEN, and they said they could hook us up with a tour if we came to Canada. I made my vodka a touch too strong, prompting me to put the puke in the post. It got lost at the post office, luckily. There was a big pirate ship in the water(somalian pirates with their Skull and Crossbones-is that what its called?), we tried to commandeer the ship but to no avail.
We headed for a club, on the way I played a Columbian at invisible basketball, he kicked my cunt in. It started properly raining, but the rain was so hot. The American guy was running and sliding for miles, Aidan Tried it 3 times and fell on the floor 3 times. Brilliant. It seems Malagans are particularly fond of Prince, and they have a massive monument to him in their town centre. We sang Purple Rain to him. I got chatting to the French Canadian, I may have in there, but she was a bit weird so I was unsure. She told me 3 phrases to say when I met a French girl, slightly forward(and they don’t really work) 1-Hello, you are beautiful. 2 – cant remember..oops. 3-would you like to sleep with me? She told me it would result in me getting touched...but she never said whether it would be in a good way. Dom occasionally came up and added ‘je suis tres fatigue aujourdui’. We made it to the club, but it was too expensive so we went to COOL – where we had been the night before – It was not bad, a bit too expensive so I got a litre of beer and milked it forever. In the whole place(maybe the size of opium’s downstairs-but very busy) they only had 1 toilet. As in 1 cubicle. My house has more than that. Me and Craig did some sword fighting in the toilet to combat the queues. Bit messy, and the Spanish in the queue behind us were a bit like what the fuck. SCOTTISH BASTARDS. Aidan used his Spanish to speak to some guy, who gave him 2 90% shots. Aidan became pretty fucked(or was already pretty fucked). That place was pretty shit, so we left. I met some welsh guy outside who was trying to convince me to double team someone with him. Slightly strange. The Columbian took us all back to his hostel(he worked there, and most people lived there). It took us ages, I sang ‘take it easy’ with the Canadian girl, pretty much the whole way back. She was a bit of banter, but went to her bed once we got back to the hostel. We took the bus back, I stood on the hinge of the bus, fucking weird and slightly tricky when your pished. Got back to the hostel and had a beer. Canadian went to bed...poor show! Spent most of the time in there chatting with the French Canadian. I didn’t really have much of a clue what she was talking about to be honest. She was a vet and had to save a tiger with two heads.. she was pretty cool, but I have no idea what she was on about. We listened to some rage. Aidan jumped on a stool and went right through it, I have never seen anything so funny. He eventually fell asleep. Irish American made some Chorizo and scrambled egg. Pretty tasty. Except I am not a fan of Chorizo. Still chatting away absolute shite. Started speaking to our hostel man about transformers and other nostalgic childhood stuff, he was a bit older than me...so I wasn’t really sure what he was on about half the time. Eventually it was time to go home. Woke Aidan up... kind of. He got up and started walking like a robot. He walked like he knew where he was going, but he had no idea. He wouldn’t look at any of us. He just kept walking. I had to get him to wait for our guide, the only way I could do this was by standing in front of him and saying random Spanish sounding words and making gestures for him to slow down. It worked. Still he kept walking, with me just behind him to make sure he didn’t walk infront of a car or anything. He pissed against a wall and just kept walking. After about 30 mins he turned to me and said ‘I’m sorry’. And that was him back awake, still totally fucked, but we could talk to him now. Our Australian guide jumped on a traffic come which just caved in on him, so he started complaining that they should be made much stronger than that – oh yeah...im sure that the ability to support the weight of a fully grown man is high in their list of priorities when designing traffic cones. Made it back to the hostel and went to bed. Craig was their too. Me and Dom went to the toilet when we got in. Apparently Craig asked Aidan where we were and he said ‘I have no fucking idea’. I got in and I was afraid I would expose myself to someone so I made a nappy out of my bed sheet. Fell asleep. Pretty good. So fucked.
Tomorrow – Water park! Can’t wait!(i know it has already happened!)
Saturday 13 June 2009
Hive On Tour: Il Y a Problem Con Yogur?
Right - I am aware that I am almost 4 weeks behind (or actually 4 weeks) with my blog. I am sorry. However, I if I don´t blog about this now, then I probably won´t remember.
I´m touring Spain for the next two weeks, and so I have decided to try and make daily updates (Did not work! I am back in Edinburgh!! But nonetheless I am determined to finish it soon) to try and capture all the mayhem. Hive boys on tour(Sung to the tune of girls on film) - I will try and catch up with the rest once I get back, cos there is some good shit that happened!
Day 1 - Friday - Woke up absolutely smashed, my phone was out of battery and my buzzer was ringing. The night before was my birthday, and the night before was the flat party. I was fucked. After a few minutes of the bell ringing, I immediately thought ´oh fuck, I´ve slept in and missed my flight!´It was just lucy ringing to give me my birthday present. A pair of flip flops and a Super Turbo Ring. Pretty cool. Except the flip flops dont fit... It was like 1030, I had no idea what was going on. I still had to do loads of shit for Spain but I couldnt think what. It was quite funny. Spoke to dad and he said he was coming at 1230. By the time I got in the shower it was already 1130. I decided to shower with the door open, because I really wanted to listen to linkin park. I spent ages on the phone trying to top up my travel card, but it didnt work. Dad picked me up then. I just picked up loadsof shit and took it downstairs. Drove to Craigs and picked him up. All good. The tom tom was giving directions my dad didnt want to follow... We made it to aidans and picked up him and dom. Aidan had the flight details, so I confirmed with him ´Glasgow Airport yeah?´He replied ´Yeah´- Nothing comical about it... Drive through to the Airport was sound, talking about the night before etc. Just as were pulling up at Glasgow Airport i said ´We were at Prestwick last year werent we? I dont think I´ve been here before´. Aidan goes ´No, We were at Glasgow last year...But Prestwick this year.´Umm no..Were at glasgow this year and were at prestwick last year. Aidan says ´we are at prestwick this year, Im not joking..´What the fuck.. You said glasgow. ´I thought you were joking when you asked...´Why the fuck would I joke about that, it was a serious question! Fuck, are you kidding. So we then had to drive to Prestwick airport which was 30 miles away, literally as we pulled up at Glasgow airport. Aidan probably performs surgery on 3 people a week, yet he doesent notice that we are driving to the wrong airport. Doctors. Well the car was pretty quiet for the next wee while. I changed the tom tom to spanish which annoyed my dad a bit, but on the whole he took it pretty well. That was our all day breakfast out the window.....
Made it to the airport and theres A policeman with a fucking machine gun is standing there...Dont shoot! Went in and got in the queue. I went for the toilet and almost bought a really cool Lisbon lions T shirt. We started singing ´Take it easy´ For some reason. We realised that not everyone’s bags were within the limit. Namely Dom´s who had packed 6 kilos of underwear. we distributed it evenly between us and went on through.Got through customs and The man gave me the No feeling. He gave Aidan the Yes feeling so it was alright. He also seemed slightly confused as to why we each had 4 pairs of boxers in our carry on luggage. I felt fairly hungover at this stage. We got some food - A shite toastie, a bottle of coke and a yoghurt. We got called to the plane before it finished. I didnt have time to eat all my food. So i decided to take it on board and eat it on the plane. I asked the woman if it was OK for me to take it on the plane. We then decided it would be funny if I carried this yoghurt all the time on our holiday. In all our photos there would be just pictures of me with a yoghurt. Also, I was to ask anyone I could if it was ok for me to take the yoghurt with me - Taxi drivers, bar staff, hostel keeps, anyone. The woman just before we got on the plane wasnt sure I should take it on. I persuaded her with a convincing ´Go on!´. Got settled on the plane, the pilot was pished. There was some fat bitch next to me who ended up being sick the whole time. Still had my yoghurt. The plane took off to a resounding cheer. My throat was so dry for the whole flight, I was gasping on a drink the whole time. The trolley woman started at the front of the plane and worked her way down to the back(where we were). This took 2 hours because some fucking stag cunts kept stopping her to get vodka. I was raging, and in dire need of a drink. I finally got it, and it was something ridiculous like £3 for a miniature can of coke(like the ones you used to get in Woolworths). Downed it in 1 and continued being thirsty. Aidan taught me the phrase 'Il Y a problem con yogur?' 'is there a problem with the yoghurt?' Awesome. Pretty smooth flight overall, but the co-pilot pushed the pilot just as he was touching down, nose dive straight into the ground. It's all good, we shook it off. Got off the plane. I considered asking the customs officer about my yoghurt, but i thought he might shoot me. I asked the taxi driver and he gave me a look that said 'fuck off you dick'. Got to our hostel, Maximo Park showed us our room and told us what there was to do. Not a bad place. Got settled in and showered. My aftersun bottle had exploded over my bag. Gay. I decided I couldnt be arsed with this yoghurt business anymore so i binned it.
So we were all starving to get some food and a few drinks, We headed out and about in malaga in search. Found a wee place where we sat down in the square and ordered quatro cervesa and quatro hamburguesas. We were pretty hungry, so the guys got hot dogs and I got a spanish omelette(potato, served in toasted bread..pretty cool) We discovered a slightly strange spanish custom(I am going to say this now, and i mean no offense to anyone, but its true - The spanish are weird, and as time went on, they kept getting weirder), If 4 people order, they will typically serve 3 meals, then the 4th one 5 minutes later...we just couldnt figure it out. It always seemed to be dom that got the short straw aswell. Having been my birthday the night before, I was struggling to drink and eat. The beer was alright like. After waiting for ages, we asked for la quenta. The bill. It is nearly impossible in spain to take away food. If you want a coke or a sandwich you have to sit in and ask for la quenta. Becomes a pain in the ass. We met this seemingly spanish guy, who asked if we were english.. we replied 'no scottish!'(dunno, we decided to big up the patriotic thing!) He then shouted in an english accent ' Ah Scottish'. Strange. We went into his bar and got 4 litres of Mojito. For some reason. They were fucking massive. Our man invited us for a shot, saying 'welcome to malaga'. Awesome. I like this place already. The women were fucking unbelievable. In scotland(no offense to scottish girls btw) we rate girls 1-10, 10 being the highest. In spain, they are rated 9.1-10. With an average spanish girl being a 9.5 or 9.6. Honestly, it’s amazing. I decided there were 2 spanish phrases I needed to learn(neither of which I have learnt) - Number 1 - I got bitten by a shark but I survived with only a light graze because I'm so awesome. Number 2 - You are gorgeous, will you marry me?. Another strange thing about the Spaniards.. they all go fucking insane to 'I will survive'(i.e. as long as i have weetabix), in a manner similar to 500 miles for us scots. It was bloody insane, we were just standing there being like what the fuck is going on?
We went for a walk to find some cool club to find some hot bitches, we struggled...but we did come across a few people walking about with plastic cups. eventually we found the epicentre. A big street had been closed off by the gay police and hundreds of people were drinking on it. Awesome...but its 2am and we have no vodka(another thing, time goes crazily fast). We wandered about aimlessly for a while until we found a chinese run newsagent who gave us vodka. Good effort. Street we! Drank on this party for a while... but we had noone to talk to, and we couldnt speak to the hot spanish because we didnt speak spanish...except aidan, but he was too shy(really?) We also realised that a lot of the people here couldnt be much older than 16, and there was definately some who were a lot younger. Different cultures I guess... A jailbait culture. good effort. We drank some vodka...mine was ridiculously strong.. Eventually decided to call it a night and head back.
A successful night, however slightly disappointing that we didnt speak to anyone other than Maximo park and the waiter, and that cool guy from the bar. I love college.
I´m touring Spain for the next two weeks, and so I have decided to try and make daily updates (Did not work! I am back in Edinburgh!! But nonetheless I am determined to finish it soon) to try and capture all the mayhem. Hive boys on tour(Sung to the tune of girls on film) - I will try and catch up with the rest once I get back, cos there is some good shit that happened!
Day 1 - Friday - Woke up absolutely smashed, my phone was out of battery and my buzzer was ringing. The night before was my birthday, and the night before was the flat party. I was fucked. After a few minutes of the bell ringing, I immediately thought ´oh fuck, I´ve slept in and missed my flight!´It was just lucy ringing to give me my birthday present. A pair of flip flops and a Super Turbo Ring. Pretty cool. Except the flip flops dont fit... It was like 1030, I had no idea what was going on. I still had to do loads of shit for Spain but I couldnt think what. It was quite funny. Spoke to dad and he said he was coming at 1230. By the time I got in the shower it was already 1130. I decided to shower with the door open, because I really wanted to listen to linkin park. I spent ages on the phone trying to top up my travel card, but it didnt work. Dad picked me up then. I just picked up loadsof shit and took it downstairs. Drove to Craigs and picked him up. All good. The tom tom was giving directions my dad didnt want to follow... We made it to aidans and picked up him and dom. Aidan had the flight details, so I confirmed with him ´Glasgow Airport yeah?´He replied ´Yeah´- Nothing comical about it... Drive through to the Airport was sound, talking about the night before etc. Just as were pulling up at Glasgow Airport i said ´We were at Prestwick last year werent we? I dont think I´ve been here before´. Aidan goes ´No, We were at Glasgow last year...But Prestwick this year.´Umm no..Were at glasgow this year and were at prestwick last year. Aidan says ´we are at prestwick this year, Im not joking..´What the fuck.. You said glasgow. ´I thought you were joking when you asked...´Why the fuck would I joke about that, it was a serious question! Fuck, are you kidding. So we then had to drive to Prestwick airport which was 30 miles away, literally as we pulled up at Glasgow airport. Aidan probably performs surgery on 3 people a week, yet he doesent notice that we are driving to the wrong airport. Doctors. Well the car was pretty quiet for the next wee while. I changed the tom tom to spanish which annoyed my dad a bit, but on the whole he took it pretty well. That was our all day breakfast out the window.....
Made it to the airport and theres A policeman with a fucking machine gun is standing there...Dont shoot! Went in and got in the queue. I went for the toilet and almost bought a really cool Lisbon lions T shirt. We started singing ´Take it easy´ For some reason. We realised that not everyone’s bags were within the limit. Namely Dom´s who had packed 6 kilos of underwear. we distributed it evenly between us and went on through.Got through customs and The man gave me the No feeling. He gave Aidan the Yes feeling so it was alright. He also seemed slightly confused as to why we each had 4 pairs of boxers in our carry on luggage. I felt fairly hungover at this stage. We got some food - A shite toastie, a bottle of coke and a yoghurt. We got called to the plane before it finished. I didnt have time to eat all my food. So i decided to take it on board and eat it on the plane. I asked the woman if it was OK for me to take it on the plane. We then decided it would be funny if I carried this yoghurt all the time on our holiday. In all our photos there would be just pictures of me with a yoghurt. Also, I was to ask anyone I could if it was ok for me to take the yoghurt with me - Taxi drivers, bar staff, hostel keeps, anyone. The woman just before we got on the plane wasnt sure I should take it on. I persuaded her with a convincing ´Go on!´. Got settled on the plane, the pilot was pished. There was some fat bitch next to me who ended up being sick the whole time. Still had my yoghurt. The plane took off to a resounding cheer. My throat was so dry for the whole flight, I was gasping on a drink the whole time. The trolley woman started at the front of the plane and worked her way down to the back(where we were). This took 2 hours because some fucking stag cunts kept stopping her to get vodka. I was raging, and in dire need of a drink. I finally got it, and it was something ridiculous like £3 for a miniature can of coke(like the ones you used to get in Woolworths). Downed it in 1 and continued being thirsty. Aidan taught me the phrase 'Il Y a problem con yogur?' 'is there a problem with the yoghurt?' Awesome. Pretty smooth flight overall, but the co-pilot pushed the pilot just as he was touching down, nose dive straight into the ground. It's all good, we shook it off. Got off the plane. I considered asking the customs officer about my yoghurt, but i thought he might shoot me. I asked the taxi driver and he gave me a look that said 'fuck off you dick'. Got to our hostel, Maximo Park showed us our room and told us what there was to do. Not a bad place. Got settled in and showered. My aftersun bottle had exploded over my bag. Gay. I decided I couldnt be arsed with this yoghurt business anymore so i binned it.
So we were all starving to get some food and a few drinks, We headed out and about in malaga in search. Found a wee place where we sat down in the square and ordered quatro cervesa and quatro hamburguesas. We were pretty hungry, so the guys got hot dogs and I got a spanish omelette(potato, served in toasted bread..pretty cool) We discovered a slightly strange spanish custom(I am going to say this now, and i mean no offense to anyone, but its true - The spanish are weird, and as time went on, they kept getting weirder), If 4 people order, they will typically serve 3 meals, then the 4th one 5 minutes later...we just couldnt figure it out. It always seemed to be dom that got the short straw aswell. Having been my birthday the night before, I was struggling to drink and eat. The beer was alright like. After waiting for ages, we asked for la quenta. The bill. It is nearly impossible in spain to take away food. If you want a coke or a sandwich you have to sit in and ask for la quenta. Becomes a pain in the ass. We met this seemingly spanish guy, who asked if we were english.. we replied 'no scottish!'(dunno, we decided to big up the patriotic thing!) He then shouted in an english accent ' Ah Scottish'. Strange. We went into his bar and got 4 litres of Mojito. For some reason. They were fucking massive. Our man invited us for a shot, saying 'welcome to malaga'. Awesome. I like this place already. The women were fucking unbelievable. In scotland(no offense to scottish girls btw) we rate girls 1-10, 10 being the highest. In spain, they are rated 9.1-10. With an average spanish girl being a 9.5 or 9.6. Honestly, it’s amazing. I decided there were 2 spanish phrases I needed to learn(neither of which I have learnt) - Number 1 - I got bitten by a shark but I survived with only a light graze because I'm so awesome. Number 2 - You are gorgeous, will you marry me?. Another strange thing about the Spaniards.. they all go fucking insane to 'I will survive'(i.e. as long as i have weetabix), in a manner similar to 500 miles for us scots. It was bloody insane, we were just standing there being like what the fuck is going on?
We went for a walk to find some cool club to find some hot bitches, we struggled...but we did come across a few people walking about with plastic cups. eventually we found the epicentre. A big street had been closed off by the gay police and hundreds of people were drinking on it. Awesome...but its 2am and we have no vodka(another thing, time goes crazily fast). We wandered about aimlessly for a while until we found a chinese run newsagent who gave us vodka. Good effort. Street we! Drank on this party for a while... but we had noone to talk to, and we couldnt speak to the hot spanish because we didnt speak spanish...except aidan, but he was too shy(really?) We also realised that a lot of the people here couldnt be much older than 16, and there was definately some who were a lot younger. Different cultures I guess... A jailbait culture. good effort. We drank some vodka...mine was ridiculously strong.. Eventually decided to call it a night and head back.
A successful night, however slightly disappointing that we didnt speak to anyone other than Maximo park and the waiter, and that cool guy from the bar. I love college.
Monday 8 June 2009
He's Holding Back He's Hiding
Again, due to the busyness/laziness of me, this blog is outdated by a good couple of weeks. All I can do is apologize, but at least I am writing it, and I am trying to catch up! Gig on the Monday night – which turned out to be pretty mad, and pretty much just working the rest of the time!
Monday – Worked the phone job during the day.. Woke up at my parents and got a lift up the road. I believe I bought some essential items from morrisons. Phone job was alright – I can’t remember if there was issues with my internet connection(actually I think this may have been one of the rare occasions when there wasn’t) Just as I was finishing at 6(like5.59), some crazy woman phoned me and ranted absolute shit for 15 minutes. Her husband was abusing her because some guy from ‘my’ company had come round earlier in the day to do something, but she hadn’t paid attention to what he was doing, so she couldn’t tell her husband what the guy had been doing, so he was calling her an idiot. How this is my problem I have no idea. Strange woman. Finished up and made myself some tea. I cant remember what I had(this is like 2 weeks ago!). I was bored with the music on my ipod so I plugged it into Craigs laptop to get some of his tunes on it. It gave me 2 of marcs songs(which I’m sure are great! But not quite what I had in mind). Something funny went on with Craigs laptop too. Oh well.. Spotify, Can you feel the love tonight! I got to the gig about 3 hours after I was supposed to...oops. The guys soundchecked without me apparently. It made them appreciate how lost they would be without me. Andy produced a setlist which our management had emailed to us, insisting that we play those songs. Luckily it was almost identical to our usual setlist. If anyone has ever been in sneaky petes, Its fucking tiny!(pretty cool too!) The headline band, Amazing Baby had no joke these massive orange stack amps, filled half the place. Pretty funny though. Pretty cool too, I got a beasting bass tone. I did feel sorry for all the punters who didn’t have earplugs. The bar had a Jager machine. Which is essentially an optic the size of a fridge. Slightly pointless, but really cool. The barman was just covering for his mate, so I took it upon myself to ask him as many awkward questions about the venue as possible. We had a marvellous chat about the future of the band... although it’s typically all talk and we probably wont follow through with it that much. We shall try. Craig and Marc came down. We used craig’s I pod touch phone along with my skills as a hacker(I am W32) to break into sneaky petes wireless, and find out the answer to the question ‘which male sang ‘a whole new world’ and beauty and the beast’(£1 for whoever can give me the answer, and craig..you are not qualified to enter). The band on before us were kindof cool. A number followed by a word, so it was something like ‘6 degrees’ or ’25 chairs’. We went on after that. Managed to sort out our rider with the promoter... giving me 2 free bottles of Tyskie. Mick decided(i didn’t realise he had been drinking all day, and I did encourage him in this) to go for 2 jagerbombs. We played the set(we had not practised for fucking ages!), it pretty well. Mostly. The first time I noticed something wasn’t quite right was during the outro to 3 versions of time – We have pushes while Mick plays some fancy thing on the keyboard. Micks part just sounded like a mash of notes, and I was a bit like wtf. Then in our last song In, theres a big fancy piano intro. Mick spent 5mins trying to remember how to play the intro. Normally I would be pissed off, but it was so funny. He didn’t know what key to play in, or where to play the notes. In the end we decided to just skip the intro and go right into the song. That went fine, although his piano solo at the end was kindof ‘interesting’. Went up and got my second Tyskie after the set. Amazing baby were on next, they had supported MGMT on their tour or something, it was pretty busy. I half listened to the band from the back of the room. They seemed ok. After their set I was chatting to one of the guys – For 1, he had a metallica T shirt on, good effort! He was like ‘oh god, I can’t believe I threw up’ I was like, oh right earlier or that? ‘no, onstage during our set’. It turns out that 2 of them threw up on stage because they were so fucked. That is so awesome. By this stage I was getting quite up for partying. I had convinced Craig aswell, although Marc went home. Met some of Micks mates, Kat and VAG. What an awesome name, Vagina. We got some Jagerbombs. Cheap cheap cheap. Nice barman. We then went to the hive. We basically had all our equipment with us, but the cloakroom at the hive was shut. Luckily JT appreciated our issue and put them all away for us. We then went hammering onto Jagerbombs. Proper style. We invited the bar girl to our party cos she looks like someone we know. Also, she was hot. We asked the dj to put on various songs, including Can you feel the love tonight, Britney Spears, and Black Cherry(whatever that song is.. ). The DJ said ‘NO rock’ and then went on to play Black cherry(which is quite clearly a rock song). Yet he would not play any of the others we requested. We danced around a broken glass for a bit, then went to drink some more. I kindof lost track of what happened the rest of the night, I cant really think what happened... all I know is that I spent under £10.. and craig spent over £40... I probably owe him a drink or 2! Anyway, various things happened and We ended up in Craigs room with 2 lesbians(or bisexuals as it were, although they claimed they loved each other..) Unfortunately, Nick had his exam the next day, and this was the one night that we weren’t definitely not to bring people back. But lesbians!! Oh well, He passed!
Tuesday – Worked the phone job 12-6, as I said I think this was a rare occasion where my net was working. I spent most of the day listening to different versions of Can you feel the love tonight, and at the same part of each version(Why won’t he be the king I know he is) I would stand up and put my arms in the air. Totally fucked likes! I don’t think I did much that night(this is the trouble, this actually happened almost a month ago!)
Wednesday – Phone job during the day... I have a feeling my net connection started to fuck up... pretty substantially. Back at the old EICC for a night shift. I cant remember what happened really, It was pretty a pretty dull event though. Barely got away on time at 2 oclock. But I did, so it was ok.
Thursday – I’m just going to try and avoid writing stuff that I cant remember, apologies.. But I really want to be caught up before I go away on holiday(that means 4 blogs in 2 days. (p.s. its not going to happen!) I taught in the afternoon, don’t know what else.
Friday – Worked as a host in the morning, It was pretty good seeing everyone again(everyone was talking about my hair, which I got cut fucking ages ago!) I worked at Biddys that night. Some bird gave me £10 tips! What a legend. I love people who tip. Kara Hazel and Lucy came into visit me. They got fucked up. They were like ‘can we get a shot please’. I gave them half tequila half sambuca, loaded with bitters(which is apparently poisonous). They danced with some Irish guys, who then started shouting at me for drinks. ‘Chris’ ‘Chris’. They were all pretty fucked, but Hazel was absolutely wrecked. She came up again and could barely stand haha. I gave her some water. I looked over, and they were in the corner, with Hazel looking like she was gonna throw up on the floor. I shouted at Kara to get her out of there. So she did. Ralph was saying that whenever my mates come in they just get totally fucked out their tits. To be fair, that is what we do. Maybe a little too often. Some guy totally trumped Hazels close call with the puke, by pissing against a pillar inside Biddys. I kicked his cunt in. What a twat. Lucy was stotting about after, so I told her she could get a taxi with me. I went in to book the taxi, Came out and she was gone. Oh well. They ended up at opium and had some carnage. Sounds quite funny actually. Hazel was funny though.
Saturday – Worked at biddys at night. I think I watched some kind of football during the day. John had finished his exams and was happy. Speaking to Mikey and he was saying how fucked my friends were, as well as that he could tell my sister a mile away. Average shift as I remember. Went home to sleep after.
Sunday – Again, I may have watched some football. Covered a shift at the links bar. Was alright, A lot quieter than Biddy’s, good for a change. Met a couple cool people. Some drunk guy made me go through James bond films in order, and give the year and the actor who played james bond. Inevitably, I was shite. Some French cunts were in to watch the French football. I got a burger for tea...With egg, haggis and tattie scone on it! Very messy..but awesome. I thought I was on until close, but I got let away at 11. Mike had text me saying they were at cav and I should come down. I assumed it would be DMH, Jakil, and various other people who had been to the gig. It was Mike and John, plus Duncan, duncans bird, Chloe, and her mate. I fucking hate cav. I am never going again. I paid £7 to get in!(I cant believe I actually paid that!). It was shit. John spotted me a £10 for the night cos I couldn’t be arsed going to the cash machine. Checkout number 7(Jaqueline) was there with a couple friends, Ruben, and Jewel(i though her name was Jules until she added me to facebook!such a cool name). I walked back with them, cos mike was hiding in a bush with number 7. Btw, he was being a dick for some reason. Jewel’s feet were hurting, so I offered to carry her, but instead she walked along the (wet) street with no shoes on. Ruben for some reason, decided to take his shoes off too. But insisted on walking along the middle of the road. Also, Ruben thought my name was Courgette...I didnt bother correcting him. Got back to mine and chilled for a bit, talked about cereal deals in morrisons and the like. Eventually Mike and Jaqueline arrived. Mike was quite the gentleman and took the supersleeping bag for himself. I gave Jaqueline a variety of fur garments to keep her warm. I listened to can you feel the love tonight while I slept. Awesome.
Next week – Kara’s last week in town, and I think I see more of her this week than I have done in the past 6 months. I visit dynamic earth, play a gig. Rugby final at the weekend..fucking nightmare. I’m going to really try hard to get up to date! Keep the faith!
Monday – Worked the phone job during the day.. Woke up at my parents and got a lift up the road. I believe I bought some essential items from morrisons. Phone job was alright – I can’t remember if there was issues with my internet connection(actually I think this may have been one of the rare occasions when there wasn’t) Just as I was finishing at 6(like5.59), some crazy woman phoned me and ranted absolute shit for 15 minutes. Her husband was abusing her because some guy from ‘my’ company had come round earlier in the day to do something, but she hadn’t paid attention to what he was doing, so she couldn’t tell her husband what the guy had been doing, so he was calling her an idiot. How this is my problem I have no idea. Strange woman. Finished up and made myself some tea. I cant remember what I had(this is like 2 weeks ago!). I was bored with the music on my ipod so I plugged it into Craigs laptop to get some of his tunes on it. It gave me 2 of marcs songs(which I’m sure are great! But not quite what I had in mind). Something funny went on with Craigs laptop too. Oh well.. Spotify, Can you feel the love tonight! I got to the gig about 3 hours after I was supposed to...oops. The guys soundchecked without me apparently. It made them appreciate how lost they would be without me. Andy produced a setlist which our management had emailed to us, insisting that we play those songs. Luckily it was almost identical to our usual setlist. If anyone has ever been in sneaky petes, Its fucking tiny!(pretty cool too!) The headline band, Amazing Baby had no joke these massive orange stack amps, filled half the place. Pretty funny though. Pretty cool too, I got a beasting bass tone. I did feel sorry for all the punters who didn’t have earplugs. The bar had a Jager machine. Which is essentially an optic the size of a fridge. Slightly pointless, but really cool. The barman was just covering for his mate, so I took it upon myself to ask him as many awkward questions about the venue as possible. We had a marvellous chat about the future of the band... although it’s typically all talk and we probably wont follow through with it that much. We shall try. Craig and Marc came down. We used craig’s I pod touch phone along with my skills as a hacker(I am W32) to break into sneaky petes wireless, and find out the answer to the question ‘which male sang ‘a whole new world’ and beauty and the beast’(£1 for whoever can give me the answer, and craig..you are not qualified to enter). The band on before us were kindof cool. A number followed by a word, so it was something like ‘6 degrees’ or ’25 chairs’. We went on after that. Managed to sort out our rider with the promoter... giving me 2 free bottles of Tyskie. Mick decided(i didn’t realise he had been drinking all day, and I did encourage him in this) to go for 2 jagerbombs. We played the set(we had not practised for fucking ages!), it pretty well. Mostly. The first time I noticed something wasn’t quite right was during the outro to 3 versions of time – We have pushes while Mick plays some fancy thing on the keyboard. Micks part just sounded like a mash of notes, and I was a bit like wtf. Then in our last song In, theres a big fancy piano intro. Mick spent 5mins trying to remember how to play the intro. Normally I would be pissed off, but it was so funny. He didn’t know what key to play in, or where to play the notes. In the end we decided to just skip the intro and go right into the song. That went fine, although his piano solo at the end was kindof ‘interesting’. Went up and got my second Tyskie after the set. Amazing baby were on next, they had supported MGMT on their tour or something, it was pretty busy. I half listened to the band from the back of the room. They seemed ok. After their set I was chatting to one of the guys – For 1, he had a metallica T shirt on, good effort! He was like ‘oh god, I can’t believe I threw up’ I was like, oh right earlier or that? ‘no, onstage during our set’. It turns out that 2 of them threw up on stage because they were so fucked. That is so awesome. By this stage I was getting quite up for partying. I had convinced Craig aswell, although Marc went home. Met some of Micks mates, Kat and VAG. What an awesome name, Vagina. We got some Jagerbombs. Cheap cheap cheap. Nice barman. We then went to the hive. We basically had all our equipment with us, but the cloakroom at the hive was shut. Luckily JT appreciated our issue and put them all away for us. We then went hammering onto Jagerbombs. Proper style. We invited the bar girl to our party cos she looks like someone we know. Also, she was hot. We asked the dj to put on various songs, including Can you feel the love tonight, Britney Spears, and Black Cherry(whatever that song is.. ). The DJ said ‘NO rock’ and then went on to play Black cherry(which is quite clearly a rock song). Yet he would not play any of the others we requested. We danced around a broken glass for a bit, then went to drink some more. I kindof lost track of what happened the rest of the night, I cant really think what happened... all I know is that I spent under £10.. and craig spent over £40... I probably owe him a drink or 2! Anyway, various things happened and We ended up in Craigs room with 2 lesbians(or bisexuals as it were, although they claimed they loved each other..) Unfortunately, Nick had his exam the next day, and this was the one night that we weren’t definitely not to bring people back. But lesbians!! Oh well, He passed!
Tuesday – Worked the phone job 12-6, as I said I think this was a rare occasion where my net was working. I spent most of the day listening to different versions of Can you feel the love tonight, and at the same part of each version(Why won’t he be the king I know he is) I would stand up and put my arms in the air. Totally fucked likes! I don’t think I did much that night(this is the trouble, this actually happened almost a month ago!)
Wednesday – Phone job during the day... I have a feeling my net connection started to fuck up... pretty substantially. Back at the old EICC for a night shift. I cant remember what happened really, It was pretty a pretty dull event though. Barely got away on time at 2 oclock. But I did, so it was ok.
Thursday – I’m just going to try and avoid writing stuff that I cant remember, apologies.. But I really want to be caught up before I go away on holiday(that means 4 blogs in 2 days. (p.s. its not going to happen!) I taught in the afternoon, don’t know what else.
Friday – Worked as a host in the morning, It was pretty good seeing everyone again(everyone was talking about my hair, which I got cut fucking ages ago!) I worked at Biddys that night. Some bird gave me £10 tips! What a legend. I love people who tip. Kara Hazel and Lucy came into visit me. They got fucked up. They were like ‘can we get a shot please’. I gave them half tequila half sambuca, loaded with bitters(which is apparently poisonous). They danced with some Irish guys, who then started shouting at me for drinks. ‘Chris’ ‘Chris’. They were all pretty fucked, but Hazel was absolutely wrecked. She came up again and could barely stand haha. I gave her some water. I looked over, and they were in the corner, with Hazel looking like she was gonna throw up on the floor. I shouted at Kara to get her out of there. So she did. Ralph was saying that whenever my mates come in they just get totally fucked out their tits. To be fair, that is what we do. Maybe a little too often. Some guy totally trumped Hazels close call with the puke, by pissing against a pillar inside Biddys. I kicked his cunt in. What a twat. Lucy was stotting about after, so I told her she could get a taxi with me. I went in to book the taxi, Came out and she was gone. Oh well. They ended up at opium and had some carnage. Sounds quite funny actually. Hazel was funny though.
Saturday – Worked at biddys at night. I think I watched some kind of football during the day. John had finished his exams and was happy. Speaking to Mikey and he was saying how fucked my friends were, as well as that he could tell my sister a mile away. Average shift as I remember. Went home to sleep after.
Sunday – Again, I may have watched some football. Covered a shift at the links bar. Was alright, A lot quieter than Biddy’s, good for a change. Met a couple cool people. Some drunk guy made me go through James bond films in order, and give the year and the actor who played james bond. Inevitably, I was shite. Some French cunts were in to watch the French football. I got a burger for tea...With egg, haggis and tattie scone on it! Very messy..but awesome. I thought I was on until close, but I got let away at 11. Mike had text me saying they were at cav and I should come down. I assumed it would be DMH, Jakil, and various other people who had been to the gig. It was Mike and John, plus Duncan, duncans bird, Chloe, and her mate. I fucking hate cav. I am never going again. I paid £7 to get in!(I cant believe I actually paid that!). It was shit. John spotted me a £10 for the night cos I couldn’t be arsed going to the cash machine. Checkout number 7(Jaqueline) was there with a couple friends, Ruben, and Jewel(i though her name was Jules until she added me to facebook!such a cool name). I walked back with them, cos mike was hiding in a bush with number 7. Btw, he was being a dick for some reason. Jewel’s feet were hurting, so I offered to carry her, but instead she walked along the (wet) street with no shoes on. Ruben for some reason, decided to take his shoes off too. But insisted on walking along the middle of the road. Also, Ruben thought my name was Courgette...I didnt bother correcting him. Got back to mine and chilled for a bit, talked about cereal deals in morrisons and the like. Eventually Mike and Jaqueline arrived. Mike was quite the gentleman and took the supersleeping bag for himself. I gave Jaqueline a variety of fur garments to keep her warm. I listened to can you feel the love tonight while I slept. Awesome.
Next week – Kara’s last week in town, and I think I see more of her this week than I have done in the past 6 months. I visit dynamic earth, play a gig. Rugby final at the weekend..fucking nightmare. I’m going to really try hard to get up to date! Keep the faith!
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