Your Braindead, You've Got A Motherfucking Bullet In Your Fucking Forehead

This week has been a real throwback to those crazy times a couple years ago, when I was literally living off 2 hours sleep a night. Working all day and partying all night. Great fun, loads of absolutely brilliant banter. Hahaha. Love it.

Monday – kindof an unimportant day! Didnt really do much.. went into the phone shop to be told that they couldn’t find a problem with my phone..which is why they sent me an email telling me it was fixed.. I switched it on and lo and behold, the screen was fucked. Duuh. The guy then said they could send it away, but it wouldn’t be fixed..... So they are now putting me on a scheme which sounds like i’m going to get a shoddy second hand phone. Great.

Tuesday – I went into Gamestation with our guitar hero drums, spent literally an hour in there and came out with a different preowned version of it(which works a little better, but not much better!) bit gutted. I never told craig, and i put the box where the old one had been. He never noticed till i told him on Friday haha. Arcane Corps practise, i had gotten dressed up as 118 to go to the Marchmont party. Got back from practise and fell asleep.. oh well.

Wednesday – It’s NAPF again! This is like the 3rd year I’ve done it in a row. It’s so bloody boring!! I was lying in bed, wondering when my alarm was gonna go off, then I kindof opened my eyes a little and thought ‘oh fuck! It shouldn’t be this light already!’ checked my clock, and it was 730. damn phone alarm I hate you! – it was just aswell I didn’t go out the night before then. Got dressed and ran to work. I was in charge of the business centre, blabla I did it last year. I literally spent most of my time on facebook(which I don’t even like that much) Nobody spoke to me all day. I had to answer the phone twice and send a fax. Actually so dull. On the plus side, I had a crème egg. Working this conference is basically like de ja vu. Like the faxes I printed, the phone calls I received, im sure it was exactly the same people and documents as last year. At lunch time the idea of going to the pub for football was planted in my head.. Finished about 545, ran home, had the quickest shower of all time(34 seconds) got changed and headed to the pub. Met rory en route and we headed up. 99p a pint of Deuchars. Cant be beaten. Watched some football drank some beer. By 11 o clock we were all pished haha. Andy phoned me up and reminded me I still had micks keyboard stands, and mick was in no position to pick them up. Mikey and Rory went for some chips. I was like, na fuck it im getting a kebab. I’m such a fiend. Got back and hit the hay. Because my alarm hadn’t gone off this morning, I decided to be extra careful and set loads of alarms.

Thursday – first alarm was for 6. nothing. Next alarm for 630. That woke me up. It was at this point when I realised I had a bullet blasted through my head. I was absolutely raging at this point. I had to walk down the road with my Bass, a bag full of clothes, and micks 2 fucking keyboard stands. The bag kept slipping off my shoulder, and nomatter how I held the stands they were always awkard, and the wind was beating against my hands. Not happy. Got to work and text him an angry message. Same day at work. Noone spoke to me atall. I was so bored, I didn’t even know what to do. I was trying to get people to have email conversations with me! Why? It was even quieter than the day before. Apparently its ‘unprofessional’ for me to communicate with the hosts, so I couldn’t even do that. Andy came in at some point to pick up the stands. I finished, got changed, blasted a bullet through my head, then ran up to andys. We got a taxi up to the ark. Did a nice soundcheck. Ralph is such a legend, I love that guy. Went to burger king and eat some food. Some of the guys from the other band were slagging Ralph. I was not chuffed. Was about to start arguing with them, but decided it wasn’t in the spirit of picking my battles, fight them running etc. The place was fucking mobbed, because it was the law diploma party or something, pretty much everyone on the course was there. I was in a total dilemma about what to do. I had work at 8 the next morning, no money, and I was fairly hungover(not sure how tho). But at the same time, I wanted to get pished. I brought it down to 2 options. 1. I could have a pint now, and then a pint once I went on, then home, allowing me to have a decent nights sleep. 2. I could drink lots of vodka, then go home once I finished playing. Unfortunately, neither of these worked. Started drinking vodka, at a fairly casual rate. I swear to god the ark just make up their prices as they go along. I got charged three different prices for my drinks. EFS was there, was good catchin up with the Cowboy. We were on last at 1130(I love playing past my bed time..not) the other bands were cool – obviously didn’t have that much experience, more similar to open mic sort of night, but good nonetheless. One of the acts, flora was epic.. sounded just like carrie, which I told her and she wasn’t too chuffed haha. The band before us went on, and I think they would have been pretty good in the 60’s! The first song the bass player broke his string. As I was the only other bass player, I was like fuck! I have to give him my bass. It’s an etiquette thing. Even tho that was the boy who had been slagging Ralph, I had no real option but to give it to him. I could just tell he was going to mishandle my lovely bass. But my baby is strong, and made it through to the end of the set. Ritchie topped off my double vodka with some more vodka, then I went on stage! The set went pretty well, although we were all racing through the songs. Even added scapegoat in for a bit of banter. A couple hairy moments, but the vodka made it good. Joanna tried hard to sell some cd’s, but noone had any money.
We had some proper banter with this Irish boy who was trying to sign the mailing list. Took him 20 minutes cos he kept slagging this other guy. It was absolutely so funny, the other boy kept trying to make comebacks but he just couldn’t. so funny. “no ugly people allowed” I think that hit a nerve with the boy ha. Brilliant. I was just ready to go home, when Mick was like you coming to Cab vol? FUCK! Went to cab vol. stayed there for a while. I wasn’t really up for it, but there was this bird there, gave her a decent amount of the chat. Gillian was there absolutely fucked! Chatted to her for a bit, turned around and this bird I was trying to pull was pulling some other guy! Gutted. I met the boys who had been at that flat the other week, the boy who served me tea haha! Danced to the Macareena, and I realised that Ulysses is a fucking tune! Got to about 2, and I was like this is shit, time for home.
Got a voicemail from Aidan “We’re in biddys, john knows actually everyone. I am literally standing next to a white van, this is shit. We might go to the hive, or we might not.” I thought fuck it.. they’ll be heading home soon, I can go meet them then head home. I couldn’t get a hold of them, so I left a deposit with the doorman, went for a quick look and found them! Went and got a stamp. Aidan was just leaving, and john put me in a sleeper hold. They had found some irish girls on the train back from Glasgow, so we danced with them. Watching john dance is pretty funny, he just looks at his muscles ha. I did some ballroom dancing with the irish bird, couldn’t for the life of me pronounce her name. Headed back to the girls flat, we seen a couple having sex on south bridge, shouted encouragement for a while then moved on. A lot of funny shit happened in the flat, I think john pissed in the kitchen sink. The irish bird was trying to tell me that Ireland were gonna kick our asses in the rugby… I said that may be so, but I don’t care about rugby.. she just kept repeating herself. Fuck. We got kicked out of the flat about 430, and were like what the fuck. John wanted to go to Cappadoccia, I was like no.. its fucking shut. We took fucking ages to walk home, then john just went somewhere else. Got back after 5, and craig and nick had just got back from the library. I explained exactly what had happened throughout the night. Although I think in my haste to get to bed it made no sense.

Friday - Got up at half past 6, and I was totally cunted. No milk in the flat, nothing for breakfast. Aah. Made it to work, and blasted a bullet through my forehead. It was another shit day at work. Very dull. I don’t know how I stayed awake, it was a real struggle. But I did. Again, noone talked to me. Do I smell? Does everyone hate me? Supposed to be working till 2, about 1230 the girl comes over and is like you can pack up and leave. Score. Got myself some chilli beef. Again, no one spoke to me. It was a real struggle to eat, i was so fucked. Had to go and pick up my bass from the ark. Phoned up to make sure it was open. The manager answered(the landline) and told me there was no one there to verify it was my bass. Surely he can verify. Twat. Anyways, i came back at 530, walked in and picked it up, no one saw me coming at all. Stupid. Got a cheeky burger from mcdonalds. I lost my energy walking back, just about collapsed ha. Still not been to sleep. Got back and Craig was going out for tea with nick. I couldn’t afford it, but fuck it. Went to Biblos but they wouldn’t serve us if we didn’t have a table. Headed to Teviot, nick ordered some nachos, me and craig ordered a chicken wrap each. Nick got his nachos. But me and craig got nachos between us. Not only did they get the order wrong, they gave us half of what we asked for. Twats. Aidan came up to meet me. Although he got me to basically walk to his house. I don’t know why i agreed. It was thomas’ last night in Edinburgh before he went off to spain. We were gonna go up for the famous ‘1’ drink. It was at the secret arcade which a really cool(slightly pricey) polish vodka bar just off Cockburn Street. Went in and Thomas got us a double Zubrowka each. Then we did a load of vodka shots – A nice mellon vodka, and a lemon vodka. Pretty cool stuff. We all went to the hive then. We have this card that gives us buy 1 get 1 free between 11 and 12. Got there just at 11. Craig met us. Now. This is where things get crazy. For whatever reason,the 3 of us started doing rounds of 6 Jagerbombs. We started playing a game, like that gladiators game where they have to run between the bases while the gladiators shoot at them(something like that anyway). We did 3 rounds at each bar.(except the cocktail bar wouldn’t give us 2for1 so we did an extra at the middle bar. We then did another 3 rounds at the middle bar(kindof giving up on the game). We finished off with buying 6 jagerbombs each, and pouring them into a pint glass. If you cant do the maths, which i cant at the moment... 90 Jagerbombs between 3 of us, plus the pint at the end. Im sure thats right. We did this all between 11 and 12. Perhaps unsurprisingly, i don’t have a clue what happened the rest of the night. I’m not sure if i was drinking the rest of the night, if we were dancing, who we seen nothing! We did try and send that irish girl a fairly inappropriate message(lol) but it didn’t send. It was natalies birthday, i seen her, i know that much. Dont know haha. We left at 3, steel had joined us by this point. I forgot that craig had my jacket in his bag, so i took a jacket that was lying on the ground.(turns out it was a womans jacket haaha. Apparently the 3 of us pulled the same girl, who had clymidia. I also think we got rid of her by slagging her about it. Circling and chanting and stuff haha. We decided that rather than the conventional ‘walk’ home, we should sausage roll all the way home. It took us an hour to reach the heart of Midlothian. Apparently that was our bit for comic relief, although i have no idea how we made any money from it. We were all fighting each other, throwing stuff about, and we ended up all lying on the ground. My jacket was lying near steel, i got it in my head that i should kick it at him. Got up, took a proper run up at it (i can in no way describe the hilarity/pain of what happens next, but it was without a doubt the funniest thing of the night) got to the jacket, planted my right foot on the jacket, swung back with my left foot and kicked the jacket. I hit the deck and planted my face in the concrete. So fucking sore. So fucking funny. Finally got a taxi home, aidan was crashing. We got in the flat, and literally the 3 of us lay in the door way for ages. Craig played some drums and got in trouble from the neighbours. I went to bed. Such a funny night.

Saturday – Woke up at 10 oclock. Watched some Simpsons on my laptop(maybe i don’t know!) Went for a haircut at 12. I had total doubts like, i was just thinking ‘my hairs awesome, why am i getting it cut. Totally cranocked like. I had to lean back while the girl washed my hair, i came very close to falling asleep haha. I don’t think i’ve been for a sober haircut in like 3 years or something. Its always good fun. Went back and watched the football. Liverpool absolutely destroyed Man U, so craig was raging. Kindof funny. He went to work, aidan went home. I kindof wanted a kebab. It was only 3 oclock. I didn’t know what to do. I ordered pizza. Pizza hut. It cost £15, i had Pizza, Pasta and Chicken. I ate barely half of it. Spent the rest of the day doing fuck all, i didn’t know what to do. I had to wait until 7 before i went to work, but i would have rather gone earlier. Went to go to work, and realised i couldn’t actually walk cos my back was so fucked from the night before. Got to work, blasted a bullet through my forehead went up. Everyone was like ‘oh your hair, its so different’. It was one of these shifts i love – absolutely mental. Edinburgh Uni Hockey Society, 200 folk. A lot of hot girls wearing nice dresses etc. Dream team was working – Me Wils and Hadley, good banter. Dinner started just after 8. It all sounded pretty rowdy, people shouting ‘I AM SPARTACUS’ Then downing their glasses of wine. We confiscated 4 bottles of vodka, and had them tempting us in the cloakroom. By 830, One of the guys had thrown up on his dinner plate. During my break, was talking to Becca and Lucy about how funny it is watching people throwing up. We somehow got onto the topic of how its funny to throw up and watch peoples reaction to it. We did that just as montse came in, and she was like ‘what are you talking about?’ haha. Lucy very kindly gave me her pudding. Other events in the night – A girl needed to throw up, but she couldn’t make it to the toilet, so there was 3 piles of sick creating a trail from the dinner room to the toilet hahahaha. The boys and girls hockey teams both do a dance off and a strip tease. The girls gave me their camera and I became the official photographer for their strip tease. Absolutely cracking. Not too coordinated, it basically involved 15 girls dancing to 50 Cent, then they took their clothes off and did the can can. Still...pretty hot. I occasionally turned the camera on me and gave them some memories of the evening. While this was happening, i turned round, and seen this girl leaning against a pillar, spitting on the ground. I was like come with me.. quickly! Took her into the staff toilet and helped her throw up. It was black. I just about threw up myself. I had to hold her shoulders to stop her from falling into the toilet. She stood up and i was like do you want a glass of water? Shes like no. She was standing pretty close to me and looking at me in a funny way. I just thought to myself if she fucking tries to kiss me i’m gonna kick her cunt in. Made a quick exit. Crazy night. I would like to point out, that while the girls looked good looking when they came in; after a couple hours they just looked disgusting, everyone was actually trolleyed. Got a decent amount of food, aswell as my pizza hut when i got home. It was good. Played a couple games of fifa with nick then went to bed. This is the first night i’ve gone to bed sober since Tuesday!

Sunday – Stayed in bed till 3. Kara phoned me, it sounded like they had a madness night the night before, gutted i couldn’t make it. Watched some family guy, then dragged myself out of bed. Cracked on the football. Finished off my pizza hut, aswell as my food from the night before. The game was decent, but Celtic switched it on in extra time. Mon the Bhoys. Brilliant. Went up to my folks, had a bath and slept.

Next week – Start at Biddy Mulligans on Monday, and im working 40 hours there this week! Should be good! I also should be starting another job as a home secretary(or call boy as marina calls it.. what are you wearing?’) at some point, which should be good. Things are definitely on the up, and hopefully within a couple weeks of solid working il be back to having some money! Wilson’s having his birthday party on Friday night which should be cool, and i’m gonna try and make it to DMH on Saturday...