When I got home on monday night...As Drunk as Drunk Could Be....

Hmm.. All this shit happened like 2(3) weeks ago, so forgive me if it’s not 100% accurate – I’m doing my best to remember what happened, but something tells me it shall not be easy.

Monday – No idea.. I was plagued by internet problems at the phone job, a real pain in the ass.. and theres no solution.. It will just randomly start working. I think I spent a lot of time on the phone to various support teams, trying to get it fixed.. but it just was not happening! I’m not 100% sure on this, but I probably went to bed pretty early, or went up to my folks or something.

Tuesday – Similar internet problems as well. I have no idea what happened for the rest of the day.. probably bed early. Watched the football i think. Or not.

Wednesday – Internet problems blab la... Gay as fuck. Mike phoned me up and was like can i come over to watch the football.. yeah. He then phoned me and was like can I come over now. ‘I have a story to tell you’. Well tell me a bit, and i’ll get the rest when you come over. ‘well.. I got kicked out my house’ ok, see you soon. He came over and it turned out he had been kicked out of his house for battering his dad. ‘warning shots’. Fucking crazy bastard. He chummed me into town to deposit some cheques, we went to McDonalds. Played some fifa, played some Smash Bros. I do not play that game enough. It is cracking. Sonic is a machine(a speed machine) He’s awesome. We got some pizza and watched the football. Actually I got a kebab. Picked up some beers from steels house, which mike then dropped all over the pavement and got them dirty and shit. A kind gentleman helped us pick them up. Devoured the kebab. Since the beers were dirty, we drank them in pint glasses. Major fucking head haha. Awesome. Twam and Camp brought a bottle of Captain Morgan’s over.(cos its got a fucking pirate on it. Btw, i don’t like pirates that much)I was going to get some limes, but I forgot/couldn’t be arsed. I don’t like drinking Rum without limes. Drank it anyway. Listened to some Katy Perry. Our plan had been to just drink that, for a cheap night in. Mike wanted to go out. We decided to go out. Craig came too. We got a taxi to the hive. Mike wanted to leave. ‘not happenin mate’ Got a drink from Jagerbird. Left. To be fair, it was dead. Went down to faith. Bumped into my sister and this weird manwoman. Looks like a girl. Bumped into Giselle and Sean in faith, Mikey was there too..pretty fucked. Within 5 mins of being there, mike said he was going out for a minute.. we never seen him again. Faith was pretty gash. Spent more money than planned, got quite drunk. I don’t like faith that much. Some guy was chatting Roisin up, Laura used a signal to see if she was alright. She misread the signal, so I went over and got this massive bouncer and told him the guy was harassing my friend. I then realised Laura had misread the signal. Told the bouncer I would take care of it and keep him in the loop. Craig got caught by the bouncer shagging some slag in the girls toilet. He didn’t throw him out, instead he told the barstaff who then started pointing and laughing at craig, who was then like ‘can we go now...’ Got a taxi home. Played some titanic music(probably quite loud..but not too loud..) woke nick up. Mike came in at some stage... fuck knows where he’d been. Crazy bastard. Roisin gave birth to me on craigs sofa bed, not sure what happened, but fell asleep.

Thursday – Spent some time in the morning feeling hungover. Roisin was going in to Uni to discuss a particularly bad essay with her tutor... she left the essay at mine. Oops. Me and Mike decided to go to pizza hut for the weekly feast(we are failing miserably). We didn’t go, got some rolls and made some bacon rolls. Mike didn’t eat any so i eat them(it was a struggle, I was fucking hungover). Played a bit of Fifa, a bit of Smash bros. I went to do some teaching. It was really strange.. all of a sudden the lad seems to have gotten great. I was telling him stuff for weeks that he just couldn’t seem to grasp.. and all of a sudden he seems to have got it. Good lad. Got back and I was going to this Born to be wide thing with Sam and stuff. He told me to head for his for 20 past 7. He actually meant 20 past 6. Therefore I was late. Every month I get an email about Born to Be Wide, it’s a meeting place for the Edinburgh music scene, they always have good people speaking and it looks really interesting – Every time, I get the email the night before! And I always have something planned! This was the first time I could make it. It was really cool, Carrie was there – Not seen her in an age. We both wished that we had brought a pen and paper, it was all really interesting stuff... I can barely remember a word of it now. Haha. However, I did have quite a serious revelation – I want to be a musician, it’s what I want to do with my life... I want to make a living working in the music industry. At this point in my life, I am putting almost no effort into this.. I’m focusing on paying the bills, I don’t have any energy to put into being a successful musician. This is not cool, and it’s time to change. Ultimately, I would love to play bass in a massive touring band – Like Christina Aguilera or something – Some awesome pop band. Time to turn things around. Waited on Carrie to get a bus, it was pissing with rain.. I decided to walk home anyway. Got fucking drenched, got a kebab, I was fucking freezing! Got home and put on my furry hat.. It keeps you so warm. Mike and Craig were up playing Guitar hero. I went to bed... mike crashed again. Sound..Casa del Crusher. B&B.

Friday – Covered a shift on the phone job – really quiet day.. very quiet indeed... I think I actually did this until 6. Quick bite to eat/game of fifa then off to biddys. I can’t really think what happened. I got talking to these 2 hot irish girls, Ciara and Nisha.I couldn’t remember their names at first..I just knew they sounded similar. When they came up later and asked if I could remember their names I said yes! I then called them Kisha and Nisha...not amused haha! Turns out they live at Biddys tho. The dj(who i’ve never seen before) played this epic song that basically goes ‘well i got home on Monday night, as drunk as drunk could be, I saw a horse outside my house where my old horse should be. So i called my wife and i said to her ‘will you kindly tell to me, who owns that horse outside my house where my old house should be’ oh your drunk, your drunk your really drunk.’ That continues through the week until Sunday. Its a fucking epic song. Was an OK night, but I was pretty shattered by the end of it! Straight to bed.

Saturday – Struggled out of bed for the old firm. Fucking pish. Fucking huns. Went to work.. I seriously struggle to remember what happened it was just that long ago... I’m sorry.. but.. go fuck yourself! I almost sold a girl a bottle of vodka for £60..almost. Aidan was texting me telling me how pished he was and how shit rush was. I got finished up, made about £10 tips.. Went to meet him at the hive, spent my tips pretty quickly. Carrie and Claire welsh were there. We did a jager bomb round.. but Claire told us she was allergic to red bull just before she downed it. She survived. Thankfully. They were all smashed. Aidan and Carrie mainly. Me and Claire started a pool. Swimming. I had a conversation with aidans mate about how I hate it when people come up to you and you don’t know their names. We also talked about football and stuff. Lucy and Krista appeared at some stage. We drank until 2.55(bearing in mind i never got there till about 2!) then me and Claire went for a dance to 500 miles. End of the night. Decided we should make a trip back to the flat. Claire asked the barman(not usual..but looked slightly similar. Jagerbird did not serve us – shock!-) if we could buy a bottle of lemonade off him.... Eh no. I managed to get everyone outside the hive(well me, and aidan to a slight degree) singing the 7 drunken days song! Awesome. Me and Aij started walking and talking about how Celtic should re-sign Henrik. The girls were dying on the toilet, we sent them up an alley... While they did that, I noticed that ppl were still in biddys(must have been 330 or4!) So I went to investigate. Basically everyone was there, just having finished their post work drink...I probably just talked a bit of shite, then left. We then tried to find a taxi(if I had been thinking straight we could have phoned my staff taxi). Took us absolutely ages, and it was not happening. Carrie phoned a company and started crying saying ‘I’m on my own, I don’t know how to get home.. I’m scared’... They then said they would send one right away(point of interest, if you ever want a taxi, just say that you are a scared girl and think you might get raped). No more than 3 minutes later, she phoned the taxi company back being like ‘eh hello, i ordered a fucking taxi and it’s not fucking here yet, what the fuck are you playing at?’ the girl on the phone replied ‘ you only ordered it 3 minutes ago, you need to give it time to arrive’ at which Carrie hung up. Pretty funny. Some old boy sitting there ended up giving us a lift home(he was a taxi driver). Oh yeah...all this time we were singing Papapapapapoker face, and poking each other in the face. Got back to the flat, listened to 7 drunken nights(i had to prove to them that it was a real song) and we then listened to lady gaga’s album. Which, is fucking pretty good btw. We went to the kitchen and drank some of craigs vodka(tried to write a thankyou note, but in the end it did not work). Carrie knocked so much shit about the kitchen/living room, I’m not quite sure how she managed it. Quite funny actually. So funny. Nick got up (and apparently had time to put jeans on, although I believe they were frog trousers). He was not chuffed. Neither was i, so I ignored him. Claire was cold so I offered her my duvet.. I then realised that I would be freezing, so i slept on the green couch with her...unfortunately, that couch(as anyone who has slept on it knows...) does not fit an average sized human being, let alone 1 and a girl. So i did not have much sleep at all. I cant even remember what the chat was.

Sunday – The girls got a taxi pretty early(like really early) I cannot fathom how early this was. Literally like 5 mins after they left, my nose started bleeding. Fuck. Eventually stopped it. It started bleeding again at 11.50. It was my dads birthday and I was meant to be meeting the family for brunch at 12. Fucksake. Why do my nosebleeds also happen at moments of such inconvenience!(or maybe ANY time for a nosebleed is inconvenient. This time it didn’t stop for like over an hour. It was fucking crazy. I hate nosebleeds. I phoned up biddys to say that I might not make it in that night. Just to give them the heads up. I slept for a bit, then decided my nose would probably hold up.(maybe just) Just as I was gonna phone andy, he called me to say it was fine, they had covered the shift. Cool. So i went up to my folks, gave my dad his crap birthday present(which, it turns out is actually pretty cool..and anyway...I got him something else in the future!)We had pizza... to compensate for me missing brunch...still gutted I missed that! Nice bath and early to bed. If i had worked at Biddys, my nose probably would have bled.

Next Week – Bear in mind... at the time of writing ‘next week’, is actually at the very least 2 weeks ago. Gig at Sneaky petes with the marvels, Going back into the EICC(did i do that last week?) and covering a shift in the links on Sunday! Sounds boring... but it was actually quite a fun week. I’m hoping to get the blog out on WWW(world wide web..or World War Water)in the next couple of days! Apologies again for the delay!